| Wednesday, March 31, 2004 |
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This is something one of my friends sent through friendster, and I thought it was really sweet
hi.. Happy birthday, hope you have a great 20th
birthday. A person could change many things in
two decades. I believe you have changed people
around you, for better not for worse. I am glad
I was once around you, thank you for making me
better.
I am not sure whether I say it to you before,
but just in case (de):
I think birthday is the most important day in a
year. We celebrate holidays and have fun with
our friends. Holidays are arranged to let us
take some time off from our daily work and spend
times with friends to remind us that we are not
along.
Birthday however is different. A day you
are arrived, no matter you want to think it
spiritually or biologically, that is still your
birthday. A day you know exactly how many years
you have lived. A day you think about what you
have achieved over the years, and also what you
may have wasted (try not to think about the
years you have left to live). A day when you
look back and reminisce your past and plan for
your future. It may sound selfish as I see the
most important day as the day to think about
myself and not the others, but no one should
help others before one can help oneself.
For today, my friend, it is your
birthday. I cherish the time and days we spent
together (if there is any). You are not just a
friend, or one of my friends. You are MY FRIEND…
so may I wish you again, Happy Birthday!!!
so his english isn't the best, but the warmth and sincerity comes through eh? This is one guy who never forgets. He used to sit behind me in class and he actually drew a portrait of my back in one of my birthday cards. Its nice to know that they still care even though they're halfway round the world.
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 12:03 AM |
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| Tuesday, March 30, 2004 |
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the return of the malaysian boy.
last night on my way home, i bummed into the same malaysian boy. he was at the lobby so it was only polite that i said hi and asked how he was. instead of reciprocating my politeness, he quickly hopped on the usual topic.
boy: so, how's the bf?
me: good. he's doing good.
boy: how r the both of u doing?
me: good good. very good actually. why? so how r u?
boy: oh because i saw him at the club.
me: really.. doing what? and how was japan?
boy: doing stuff. stuff that u wouldn't be happy with.
me: really? okay so when was this?
boy: saturday night.
me: but how do u know how my bf looks like? all black boys look the same. or at least it's pretty hard to tell them apart don't u think? especially since u've only seen him once.
boy: oh, i've seen him. alot. in the clubs. doing his thing.
me: thats nice. but its funny how u saw him in the club on saturday night because i spent the whole weekend with him at the barracks because he had guard duty on saturday night.
DANG!!! kena bang bish bong!!!
now, i'm beginning to wonder why he would wanna talk shit.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 6:24 PM |
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remember sea monkeys. the 2 packets of weird formula you add to a tank of water as a kid and that eventually hatches into a whole tank of real life water creatures. i never knew what they were and i thought they were rather monstrous. the whole concept of growing something alive from 2 very sinister looking packets that read 'sea monkeys watch them grow instantly!' didnt really coincide with my -lets build a house for barbie- plans.
a window ad of it popped up today so i looked them up and discovered that they are actually a hybrid of brine shrimps. what monkeys! to think i thought that they were really little monkeys growing in water. amazing how naive one can be as a kid.
and im reminded too of those little rubber figures u throw in water and they'll grow like 5 times bigger! old school play things.
and so we discover something new everyday. its fun to dig up such stuff now and then,especially things uve long forgotten and now that u mention it, u start to understand the truth of it all. things start to make sense without the light of haze that previously cloud your minds. fascinating!
eLi. |
| posted by 3 @ 12:12 PM |
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haha how come my sis just gets a tiny msg??
that was really really sweet princess, thanks! I didn't really wanna turn twenty you know. but i suppose that now that I'm already twenty it ain't much of any difference. I suppose I feel fatter after three cakes. but then i still have exams in two weeks. I'm just sad that you and ah long aren't here to spend the day with me. Your absence was sorely felt. Remember just a year ago, how you guys wanted to surprise me at starbucks but i went home instead and you lousy kentoh didn't know how to make me stay behind. I remember ahlong coming over to my place with the lily that eli got dressed in his waiter outfit haha that was funny! and then of course the whole drama getting drunk at newsroom. Well let's not talk about that shall we! :)
thanks for the birthday wishes guys. it means a lot that you remembered. :) you officially have the right to kick my ass if i don't remember your birthdays ok! but just in case, feel free to drop hints anytime! but really, thanks.
and happy birthday jie, its always nice to have someone to celebrate your birthday with and to share your presents with! yay! digi cam here i come! hahaha ok i'm kidding zhirong!
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 12:19 AM |
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| Monday, March 29, 2004 |
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| happy birthday jiamei!! |
| posted by 3 @ 6:40 PM |
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hello mei. happy 20th birthday. u know i love u alot. and that if i didn't have u in my life, i wouldn't have been able to jump across all the hurdles that i needed to to get me here. u know that i think u're pretty. and hot. and really nice. and caring.and very smart. and the drama queen.and u know that i depend on you to tell me how to do stuff. like to drink water when i'm sick. like to stand up for myself when i'm being pushed around. u've always been the one with the answers. the one with the attitude. the one that would stick up for me. the one who is never afraid to be herself. and tell the other people to fuck off because u don't give a shit. u know that i look up to u. sometimes. but i love u a whole lot. everytime. and that i'll be by you. all the time.u know that u're very special in everyway. and that u make our (eli and mine) lifes very interesting. i miss all the times that we had. i miss trying to save your ass. i miss telling u retarded things and watching you give me that face. i miss having all three of us in the same room. but i also know that we'll have many more special moments to come. u make me very happy. u help me make sense. and u're a very beautiful person inside out. a caring and sensitive good looking person all combined into one. i love u mei. happy 20th birthday.
p/s: and just because u have pink hair now doesn't make u cooler than me.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 4:10 PM |
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| Friday, March 26, 2004 |
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being in the ocean is a refreshing feeling. and i'm talking about wide clear blue waters, with strong winds that will block your sense of hearing and can flip your hair all the way back.waves that are just right. too low for surfing but amazing for wave swimming. about 3 ft. not too tall but very powerful. it's tall enough to see the wave fall and form into their own middle sized curls and when u stand in front of it all, u see this huge tall stretch of water charging right at u.it does get scary at times because when u stand by it, the waves are 1 1/2 times taller than i am. and the waters were strong enough to change the positions of the sand underneath. one moment, u'll be standing on a firm stretch of sand and the next, ploop, it's gone...
it brings this thrilling and exciting feeling. and u anticipate and wait for the right time to plunge in. if u jump in too early, u'll not only smack your face real hard, u'll also not feel anything at all. maybe just water squeezin up your nose and ears. if u jump in too late, the water will override u and u'll feel like your drowning. but when its the right time and u plunge in, u'll feel the power of the water. u'll feel in go through your body and it brings this sensational chill down your spine. and after the wave has passed and the bubbles begin to surface, it has this uplifting spa like effect.
i dunno how to describe it, but its amazing man. worth everybit of the long car ride, the burnt skin and all the irritatin malaysians with fake accents.
i've found me a new hobby.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 3:32 PM |
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transitions.
a friend once likened transitions to bus rides, its like ure getting from one destination to another and ure on the bus looking at all the blank faces and they're probably thinking about what they're gonna do when they get there.
like a vacumm, a time space, the transition between both extremes are seemingly non-existent u cant remember how it has been ever since. its a nice limbo to dwell in sometimes, ages ago it was this and now although its not getting there yet ure forced to see it as that and even though that thought hit u like ages ago its never really sank in until now.
they're like nothingness. you're just feeling the aftermath or the anticipation. and its the in between thats so often forgotten after u get to the next part. and maybe sometimes u just wish u had stayed there.
i transited without realising it, knowing it only when i got there, its strange. oh well.
eLi. |
| posted by 3 @ 2:49 AM |
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So, after all that tugging and pulling and snipping; bleaching, dyeing and colouring; blowing and crimping and spraying, my 30 seconds of fame is over, just like that!
I don't remember much very clearly. I remember seeing my sis, nick and kelv while i was waiting to go out, hearing the music, feeling my head getting lighter from the alcohol, and then i just moved and bounced and skipped, then I heard cheers from the crowd, a sea of camera flashes. smile. turn. smile. and it was over.
haha.
i'd do it allllllllllllllll over again! Afterall, being dressed up in candy cane striped leggings, and looking like Barbie isn't exactly an everyday affair!
~mei~
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| posted by 3 @ 2:35 AM |
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| Thursday, March 25, 2004 |
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HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY AH LONG!!!
the hunky dory waterpolo superstar cum naval diver biathlete who's incidentally the love of mei's life.
i know u'll probably never read this but i'm postin it here so that when u eventually forget my birthday and i keep kao pehing u about it, u cannot claim that i forgot your birthday thats why u've forgotten about mine. ahahaha, i know i'm a cheeky indian ah lian.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 6:32 PM |
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i've learnt that things will not change for u. situations will always occur and it'll either make us sigh and frown or laugh and sing, but it'll still remain the way it is. it will still remain that very situation. it'll be there when we fall asleep and it'll still be there to greet us the very next morning. there's nothing any of us can do about it. even if it stinks so bad, we could (1) choose to cry and sulk and feel the pain and seem like the whole world is grey and blue or (2) pretend that its all good and keep giving that fake smile. it's not like we are entitled to change anything so might as well put up a front, tell yourself continously that everything's good, even if it isn't. maybe if u tell yourself it's all good over and over again, things might eventually become good. u think?
i'm beginning to think that life is actually very simple. it's either black or white. no shades of grey. it either feels good or bad. it cannot feel both good and bad. it's either this or that. so really, things only become complicating when emotions gets involved and clouds your vision. u don't think straight and u act on your impulses and then, it's too late. but things don't always have to be this bad. even if it and it hurts, what won't kill u will only make u stronger.
i guess there will always be bumps in this journey. maybe that's why we have family and friends. people who will love u unconditionally and be there for u. for those who don't believe in human dependency, there's always sex,drugs, alcohol and cigarettes.
so really, it cannot be that bad.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 6:27 PM |
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| Tuesday, March 23, 2004 |
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don't think u know who i am from readin what i write. i have this tendency to remember things that brings me pain and forget all the nice warm moments. i am not what i write. because what i write is a small fragment of how my life is. so please, don't think u know me because u don't.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 10:53 AM |
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i used to think that people who said that they are tired of clubbing were so full of shit. i told myself that i would never be tired of drinking and clubbing and dancing and all that but then, i'm wrong. again. as usual.
u realise that its all over when u get so excited dressing up. spending half an hour picking out a nice outfit, doing your hair and smelling all good. then rushing to meet your friends who look equally good and then take quick small fast steps to the club. and when u get in, u smell the familar thick smoke. u hear the loud hip hop music blasting through the speakers. u feel the sweat and the makeup smudges.and within 10 minutes, u feel like going home. u realise that u've done this far too often. that dressing up was not worth it in the very first place. that even alcohol tastes real nasty and it makes your stomach twitch and scream. that even all the good looking and hot boys are not worth going through all that for.
i think it all started when thomas said that i couldn't dance and that i'm a techno dancer and i move too fast and that after awhile, he'll get bored with me.and it eventually got to me.
so after awhile, it's not worth it no more.
i don't have my girls who will never put me down, who will make dressing up and dancing and drinking all fun and nice. i don't have my class guys who will always think that u're good and that will never leave your side, even when u go dance with other boys, they will still be looking out for u.
but what do u do on a friday or saturday night? when u have friends who have other things to do and your bf's out in the club and u stay alone at home? it becomes lonely and the 4 walls begin to haunt u. u watch tv but u don't exactly watch it. u listen to the radio but all they play are live music from the clubs. and alcohol tastes so nasty that its not even worth it to drink and get your vision all warped up?
maybe reality's just not nice and my efforts to taint it are running low and i suddenly out of place.
nat
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| posted by 3 @ 10:31 AM |
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| Sunday, March 21, 2004 |
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Music. Atmosphere. Alcohol. But no girlies. =( None of my girlies were there to dance with meeeeeeeeeeeeeee! There are somethings in life that you just can do without.
A friend remarked today that friends are not a necessity, and if you depend on them too much, they'll disappoint you down the road. Because they won't live up to your expectations. Pfft. Sorry bro. I know everyone's entitled to their own opinions, and I completely respect how you want to live your life and treat your friends. And I do admire you for independence. That is not to say I don't completely disagree with you. Expecting others to live up to your own expectations is really like placing yourself on this pedestal way up and saying, "hey, unless you're as high up as me, you're not going to be good enough to be my friend." Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't relationships between human beings about accepting and striking that balance between who you are and who the other person is? Where would I be today without the rocks in my life? You know, the people you depend on to coax your boyfriend outta being angry with you, the people you call when you need company or simply someone to talk to when everyone else is asleep, and the people that are there and who buy you lotsa breakup food when you get your heart broken? The ones whom you don't talk to for months but pour your heart out to when you do? There's more to life than just wanting to be the best at everything that you do. Wouldn't it be nice to just have a bunch of people who you don't have to compete and be in a rat race with?
Eli, I was in Crim tut last week and I didn't read up before it, so when my tutor asked me a question, I naturally tried to stall for time by looking up at the ceiling, to the right and then to the left. Apparently its been scientifically proven that when a person can't remember something, he'll look to the right if he already knows what the answer is, but is searching within his memory bank. And if he looks to the right then you know he's just making something up. According to my prof, I must've searched within my memory bank, and not finding anything, tried to make something up. Anyway, my point is that maybe we have two cupboards instead of one.
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 1:54 AM |
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| Saturday, March 20, 2004 |
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i dont think we forget very easily, we just think we do. and for all talk of time heals all wounds, they're lies. i dont think anyone ever really heals. maybe we just forget but they're all still within the reach of rememberance. we just pack them up and toss them at the back of our minds, its like K.I.V and suddenly if anything at all reminds you of the hurts and the pains it'll all return in a wave that makes you go ouch again until the throb subsides. its not healing its just compartmentalising,like your brain's a cupboard, important stuff in the top drawers of your brain and 'best left alone' stuff at the bottom.
and you open them now and then to pack it and make sure they're still there 'just because'.
how silly of us all to keep those socks that are full of holes.
so sometimes my bottom drawers are opened and ransacked somehow.
i aint a very organized person after all.
~eLi~ |
| posted by 3 @ 1:11 AM |
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"The Matrix as Metaphysics", is a nice summary exemplification of the intuitions behind radical skepticism. What do you think of skeptical arguments like the one Chalmers advances here (and Descartes advances throughout "First Meditation")? Do you think they show something deep and important about the human condition? Namely, that we actually don't know anything - or don't know nearly as much as we think we do. Or do you think the conclusion that we have no knowledge (or very little) is so absurd that it shows there is something silly and irrelevant about arguments like this? Or do you think something else? What do you think?
welcome to Philosophy 1101E, this is the question for my assignment and i havent touched it yet. GREATTTT. =(
and you wonder why i think so much and maybe thats because im posed with such questions every now and then questioning our existence questioning our minds questioning our perceptions. maybe im just a speck of dust in this very very big universe and greater giants drinking beer eating peanuts and watching their google boxes are going like ooooo there she goes again. i suddenly feel like reading jack and the beanstalk or silly retarded children's stories like dr. Suess.
green eggs and ham!!! do you like green eggs and ham???
im hungry.
im living on grass this week cos i blew my allowance on a pretty new bag from Guess, that resembles a Dior. hah. it was the last piece!!!! talk about impulse buying.
~eLi~ |
| posted by 3 @ 12:54 AM |
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| Thursday, March 18, 2004 |
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who the fuck are u to impose your thoughts upon me???
for those of u who don't know me well, i only have this to say to u. i'm a person. a real girl. who has emotions, who has her ups and downs, who has her pride and feelings and everything that comes with that package. yeah my life isn't that perfect. just like there are many days when i'm hopping and smiling and screaming, there are just as many days when i'm not feeling up to that. yeah i know that most people do not approve of the way i lead my life but it's my life and i choose what i want and who i want to spend it with. i do not have to justify my actions all the time. i do not have to have reasons for what i do. and i certainly do not have to take insults from people i do not know. this may be words but seriously think of the implications underneath it all because if u do not know anyone well enough and would like to voice out your impressions of their way of life on them. don't. because u don't know how to. don't think that u know how to lead my life. don't think that u know a better way for me. don't think that u know who's right for me. man.. fuck that shit because unless u're someone whom i'm really close to and i pour all my inner most secrets too, please don't think u know me from the way i look or the way i act. because my appearance is a fragment of who i really am.
i had this conversation with this guy i used to work with. no wait, let me rephase it. i was forced into a conversation with this guy i used to work with. he just plooped right in front of me and refused to leave. even when i wasn't looking at him and seemed more interested in my slippers. even when i kept quiet and gave him fake smiles. some people just have too thick of a skin to feel that cold air around them. dumf fucks.
well, he came up to me and started talking about thomas and my relationship with him.
just a quick recap, this malaysian boy has only seen thomas and i at a club once. just once. and that night, he was really tired and it didn't help that the club was playing techno for most parts of it. and of course, knowing me, i'll be smiling and dancing and shaking my ass and laughing away. it didn't matter to me that thomas didn't know how to dance to techno, even if he tried real hard, he couldn't. so he decided to stand there and watch me dance and smile at him. but after awhile, the high and fast beats eventually got to him and he got really annoyed. and his mood dropped from okay to not so okay to okay nat, i need to go. eventually, his mood got to me and from a happy cheery girl who felt that high, i became this accomodating girl who took him home.
so there, our malaysian friend based his judgements from that one time and mind u, this is not the 1st time he has spoken to me about it. the last time, he said that my bf's an asshole and that he's not good for me and that i should start hanging out with other singaporeans and that i should be this and that. because he thinks that i'm isolated and that i should be hanging out more with my own kind. back then, i was in a better mood and i graciously accepted his comments. i thought to myself that maybe this boy is just looking out for me so it didn't really matter that his thoughts about my life were a little bit misunderstood. i didn't feel a need to correct him then, so i left it as it is.
well today, our friend decides to visit. and before asking me how i was and how's my relationship, he immediately leaped into this conclusion that i'm so different from all the girls that he know because i seem to be contented just being by myself and keeping to the small group of friends that i have. and he added that i should be hanging out with the other singaporeans n not spend time with thomas all the time because the other singaporeans hang out and do things. and this is coming from a guy who has only seen me in a club once! and he went on saying that thomas and i are complete different individuals and that we do not click, like the fm and am radio that will never meet in between. and that by compromising, it isn't considered love anymore because we're simply changing ourselves to make it seem like we're in love. and he had all these other theories about my life. that i should find me a better boy who can make me happy. that i should hang out with them. that i shouldn't be so quiet and all that shit.
the thing about it is, i appreciate comments from people who have substantial things to say. if u know me well and tell me that there's a problem, i wouldn't push u away. but if u're a ignorant self centered fuckhead who thinks that u can run my life better then i can, then really, don't bother talking to me because it'll just piss me off big time. i know u mean well, i do but, shouldn't u try to know my situation or my character first before commenting about it to my face. there is, no matter what u think, a difference in judging and commenting. everyone makes judgements from first appearances. yes u are entitled to have your own thoughts and feelings about my life, i don't have to correct u and show u my point of view because to some extend, if i ain't that close to u, i don't give a fuck about what u think. but when u voice it out loud to my face, it's a whole different situation altogether. especially if u're judging me from ONE incident. man. u self absorbed ignorant bastard.
nat
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| posted by 3 @ 10:21 AM |
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| Wednesday, March 17, 2004 |
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i was watching the premiere season of High School reunion, season 2. and its another one of those trashy american reality shows. this time, they gather a group of people who graduated from the same high school at a particular year.the setting's in hawaii and they live in this huge romantic mansion. they have the cheerleaders, the quarterbacks, the handsome boys, the playas, the sluts, the ugly ducklings, the geek, the outcast and the gay boy. and of course, they have the ex captain of the cheerleading sqaud who was the girlfriend of the school's best quarterback. they had the geek who was secrectly in love with the hottest cheerleader. they had the ex gf who broke up with her first love because of college. they had the gay boy. that had the ugly duckling hoping that she could, after 10 years, fit in into the normal social circle and all that.. then, when everything was going right, they had to bring in the sluts who broke up the perfect all american couple. and they fight. and the cat fights and the cursing and the swearing and all that drama begins. its amazing how they are almost 30 and they still behave like high school girls. little cliques who sit on their beds screaming at little notes and kissing and huggin when they try out new outfits. guys who form their own groups and leave the ugly and the gay ones behind. boys and girls who think that after 10 years apart, they might rekindle the moment they first met each other. this, my friends, is american tv. but this is their culture. a culture where looks and size matters. personality and character doesn't seem to exist because it seems like sex is the only prevalent issue on everyone's mind. its no longer like singapore where people just single out who's hot and who's not. or like how we used to go" oh she has nice legs" and "oh, he has a nice bod" and oh this and oh that... but here, its multiplied by 100. its like their hormones rule their brains and their brains have no control of masking their really loud and crude thoughts. i know people who look at girls simply as sex toys and all they see is that pretty piece of nicely developed meat with fats at all the right places. i've been in a car with boys who cruise down the streets simply to point out the girls that they would fuck. and worse of all, they make it seem like they are doing the girls a favor, like they are sent from god to fuck them and that they should thank them and lick their balls.
and i'm pissed off because i got violated in school today. i was walking by minding my own business. and didn't see these two boys who were standing by the side. and when i walked by, i heard one of them say "damn. she's pretty though but she ain't got no ass. but i'll still fuck her". but i'll still fuck her?!?!?! STILL!!!! what the fuck man. Number 1, its not like they are damn hot for me to even want to touch them. in all honesty, if they were THAT hot in the first place, wouldn't they have caught my attention? Number 2, what do u mean STILL? its like i'm not good enough for u and u're doing me a fucking favor. pleaaaasee. i don't need any favors from anyone. even if i do, it wouldn't be from u.
I'm just sore. and all i did was to turn and stare at them. i didn't know what to say.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 5:03 PM |
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she said hello, u fool, i love you....
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 1:08 PM |
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| Tuesday, March 16, 2004 |
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The most amazing thing I've realised about children over the weekend is their ability to live in their own worlds.
There was music blasting through our sound system the entire weekend and you'd see kids, shaking their asses, moving their hands wildly, not giving a damn about who was looking at them! Then there were those who could barely walk and had to be pushed around in their prams who were bouncing up and down to some sort of rhythm that they had going on in them. I would elaborate more, but i guess if you love kids, you'd get me pretty easily.
And I guess the worst thing I've done to myself by far is trying to do too many things at once. Because when you commit yourself to too many things, there's always gonna be somewhere that you're missing out on, and then you get forgotten after missing out too many times, and you are sore about being forgotten, so you try to involve yourself more, and then you realise after a while that you're missing out somewhere else. And it starts all over again. Its a devious cycle. sigh...
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 1:50 PM |
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| Monday, March 15, 2004 |
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i used to get this adrenaline rush everytime we got pulled over by a policeman. there are so many reasons to fuck us upsidedown. because the car's lisence has expired. the owner or the car sold his car to him but then they haven't done the legal papers yet, so technically, if we get caught, it'll be considered theft. because we always speeding without seat belts. because his brakes are spoilt. because the car door won't shut right. because we blast real loud hip hop music at 3am in the morning. .. so many reasons. yet, never once have we been pulled over because of the reasons stated above. we've been pulled over about 8 times now, checked by the freaking military security guard every single time we drive into the marine base but never once have they screwed us for legitimate reasons. whoever said racial discrimination has died obviously isn't a minority in this dumbass country. because all the times that we've been pulled over, we've always been asked to show our hawaiian id. thats all. no why isn't there any seat belts? no why are u going so fast? no whose car is this? no nothing, well,guess what....the driver's a person of colour... u go think about it and figure out the equation. racial discrimination isn't over. think about that.
nat
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| posted by 3 @ 8:22 PM |
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hello jamie. u understand me. completely.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 7:56 PM |
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i like the way u look in your outerwear, would like to see your underwear and find out whats under there.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 7:46 PM |
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| Saturday, March 13, 2004 |
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*Sings*
" these bitch don't even know the name of my band
but they're all on me like they wanna hold hands
cause once i blow they all know that i'll be the man
all because i'm the lead singer of my band."
___D12 feat. Eminem, My Band___
this is for ron, other good songs:
1) All falls down - Kanye West feat. Lauren Hill
2) Overnight Celebrity - Kanye West and Twista
3) She wants to move - N.E.R.D
4) Get Crunk Shorty - Nick Cannon feat. Ying Yang Twins
5) Clubbin - Marques Houston feat. Joe Budden
6) Splash Waterfalls - Ludacris
7) Salt Shaker - Ying Yang Twins
8) Take it to the floor - b2k
9) Drop - B2k feat Timbaland and Magoo, Fatman scoop
10) The Way i am - Knocturnal
11) Dirt off your shoulders- Jay Z
12) Them Jeans - Master P
13) I'm really hot - Missy elliot
14) Tipsy - J Kwon
15) Pump it up - Jow Budden
16) Hotel - Cassidy feat. R Kelly
17) Obie Trice - Got Some teeth
18) Gigolo - R Kelly and Nick Cannon
19) J Lo feat R Kelly - Baby i love you
20 ) Lumidee feat N.O.R.E - Honestly (remix)
nat
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| posted by 3 @ 5:49 PM |
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i stole this from my junior class's website simply because i know this boy, suen, and it cracked me up.
part-time boyfriend available for hire.
has a full time girlfriend in OZ though.
pricing negotiable.
will act like real boyfriend.. will send u msgs write u letters even go out with you *conditions apply
sorry no making out or sex. not even for a billion zillion dollars.
173cm, 56 kg. botak but will grow hair soon.
interested parties pls contact me through this blog. A photo can be shown upon request. 1st come 1st serve.
thank you.
suen
*meals not provided. paper and msgs provided FOC.
within two years, suen grew from a dorky JI boy to a handsome and smart cross boy. nice hair and an even nicer smile. can be childish at time but he's actually very smart.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 5:28 PM |
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| Thursday, March 11, 2004 |
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i watched a group of whales swim while i was running up this mountain earlier this morning.
it got me thinking. i knew i had to come to hawaii to find what i was looking for. when i visited hawaii for the first time as a kid, i told my dad that i would come back because then, i had this feeling that this island had something for me. i actually forgotten about that dream when i was in secondary school. i had this plan in my head, run, go to jc and land myself in nus. then one day, lorraine came up to me and handed me this brochure of my current school. i remember sitting in the hall beside suraj and telling him how much i wanted to go there. i remember suraj giving me that cheeky grin that said that ya, it'll be good if u went there cause then u'll be able to hook me up with all the hawaiian chicks. i remember telling paul on the phone how my life would change in less then a year. i remember mei going to school with me to finish my applications. i remember us having this dream of us sun tannin by the beach after school.
everything tells me this is where i need to be at. maybe i'll find me a good job? i've manifested into a bigger bum this semester but school has never been better. a lil bit of pressure, a whole lot of assignments but a new laid back attitude. i think thats a good equation. BUT, my school's so good for tourism. they open doors for u, they teach and train u up, its an amazing course and i doubt i'll find anything better. i think they might be able to squeeze and find me a place in the workforce here. maybe i'll find my true love? despite all the drama that has happened, he treats me well. he makes me smile. he makes my heart flutter in different directions and in all honesty, i love watching people give u the dissapproving glares that black boys should never hold an asian girl's hand. maybe..just maybe.maybe hawaii's been overrated. because u can only appreciate so much. because u can only look at the trees, the birds and the lofwers that many times. because u can only look so far and breathe this much. because there is only so much u can do.
whatever it is, no matter what i've said, i'm grateful that i'm here.
and just in case anyone would like to msg me from singapore, u can.. its +18082581683. i can actually receive sms. and it'll be real nice to hear from people back at home.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 4:40 PM |
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Yes Boulderactive is this weekend. Please come down to say hi and keep us alive you guys. Its gonna be at Toa Payoh HDB Hub. We would definitely appreciate familiar faces. Especially since my princess eli has me scheduled at the registration booth from 8am to 5.30pm on Saturday and 8am to 8pm on Sunday. I think she thinks my ass isn't big enough and i have to sit down more so that it can grow to humongous proportions. haha but I love you eli, and I know scheduling's hell, so I'm just gonna shut up and do it. But I guess I don't really have a choice haha
Nat, remember the time just before you left and everyone was giving you hell. You were grumpy and frustrated and you refused to talk to us, refused to tell us what was wrong? And then we forced it out of you with flowers and sweetness haha and we forced to you go out with us. And later that night after 'you left Nic's house, you were happy again, for the first time in like two weeks, and you sent us a msg? This is what is said, "hEY babes, i just wanna let u girls noe tat u girls r e best n u make me reallie happy. Sometimes i wonder wat i'll do w/o e 2 of u.. Duno why i even kept away 4 so long.. Thanks a hell lot man.. Love u loads.. N eli, if u died, i'll lose a part of me man. Same 4 u mei! Thanks alot! *muacks*"
I just wanted to say don't pull away babe, we don't wanna lose you. Its tough as hell over there, I know. Ok maybe I don't know because I'm not there. But I sure as hell feel that you're hurting, otherwise I wouldn't be tearing now... It really hurts to see you feeling so lost because I feel partly responsible, for encouraging you to go for it. I'm sorry babe, I didn't know it would be like that... That night at boon's house, yes that very drunk night, my heart broke to see you unhappy...
I just hope you find the strength in you to dig up the weeds in your life and throw them out. Remember Eli's entry? You are what you make yourself feel? I think its also true that you become what other people think you are if you keep on believing what they tell you you are. Don't let them tell you that you're not worth it. Don't let them tell you you're any less. I suppose these are, but just words. I don't know how else. Believe in yourself more won't you? Its a rough patch. You'll ride through it because you're strong enough, I know that much.
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 1:04 AM |
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| Wednesday, March 10, 2004 |
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boulderactive is this weekend.
it is gonna be hell.
rock-climbing event, 3 whole days back to back.
i gotta stay overnight there sleeping on concrete floor and no bathrooms!
no bathrooms!?!!?
what can be more ghastly than no bathrooms!?!?!? =(
there'd better be hot climbers as redeeming factors.
eLi. |
| posted by 3 @ 9:56 PM |
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i thought this a lil different from my usual poems. but i wrote it anyhow.
can someone help me think of a title please?
--
stare of hematite, cut me.
words mimicking fluidity
not quite like but take them,
for sheer splinter comfort please.
Pull a dark bone into each liquid vermillion
as you manifest your wretched soul in sheaths.
contemptous echoes spawn scarlet paths
through abated breaths of swollen despondency.
Of splotches and paints that coat the minds:
yes pains,
turpentine, turpentine.
coax me out of discarded shells, cease to remember.
Puppet clutching puppeteers' strings; did i give you wings?
All that you ever say will be all it ever means they say; or so you say.
Crackling fires we hold in our palms; watch them melt.
grains they'll turn to - yet so ingrained.
eLi.
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| posted by 3 @ 9:38 PM |
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for some reasons, she feels alone. not lost and searching like she used to but alone in this deep hole which is surrounded by grey and dark gloomy clouds. its not like she has no friends or no one to care for her. she does. its just that their presence don't matter as much anymore. their words have merely become words and explaining to them her true feelings doesn't seem practical anymore. they tell her they love her and would be there for her but those words of affectionate still remain as... words. she thought she would be happy. being free. away from home. away from everyone. she thought that by starting a new life, she could create a whole new identity. but she lost touch. lost touch of the familar ground. lost touch of who she was and who she should be. the wild party night life caught up with her. she gave in too much into the surrounding temptations. she sold her heart and gave it away to someone else. and soon, life isn't all black and white anymore. she began to see different shades of white, different shades of black but mostly, she stares at the world in shades of grey. she's changed. alot.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 5:01 PM |
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| Tuesday, March 09, 2004 |
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nat's life is so happening.
the most exciting thing that happened to me today? I cut my hair.
the most exciting thing that's gonna happen to me in two weeks? I dyed it pink.
hoooyaa.
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 11:37 PM |
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let me introduce u to emily. a universiy of hawaii girl turned stripper.some cheap slut who tried to tell me about her sex escapade with my bf. she never knew i existed and she thought that i would flip.
...
bitch please.. tell me something i don't already know. cause really, whatever u're gonna tell me won't shock me. not anymore.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 3:52 AM |
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| Monday, March 08, 2004 |
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how is it possible to be lying next to someone and yet feel the same loneliness as being alone by yourself?
nat
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| posted by 3 @ 6:24 PM |
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| Sunday, March 07, 2004 |
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you are what you make yourself feel
zr told me this true story of a guy who worked on a train cabin, what he does all day is to transfer food from the big freezing unit to like the kitchen to be cooked. and since this is what he does all day, he had a constant fear that he would one day be trapped in that freezing unit to be frozen to death.
and then it happened. he was stuck inside the freezer one day and he died.
but the thing was, the freezer wasnt switched on, and he froze himself to death, merely thinking that he would surely die.
talk about a self death sentence.
and it occured to me that it happens all the time. you know in psych we study the multitudes of the brain,
the fact that it controls everything and really, i mean everything,
our so called emotions that we think we 'feel' with our hearts are merely processes in the brain,
our hearts dont feel, our brains interpret the way we feel.
and every sense that we call pain or happiness is a pre-programmed feeling in our minds,
like naming shapes, we name these feelings sadness and joy.
so isnt it all just what we want them to be,
if u convince your brain enough that this 'pain' is a joy to you,den it becomes happiness if u repeat it with such conviction.
and love is like saying 'ouch! ouch!' but 'hit me more!" like how tattooing is an addiction
cos of the endorphines u eventually get from pain.
all a state of mind isnt it. all in the mind. all in the mind.
~eLi~ |
| posted by 3 @ 4:19 PM |
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all things will end someday. in one form or another.
so...
should we hold back our love for something in fear that it might hurt so bad when it ends, or should we just give our all and let hurt overrule us when it eventually ends?
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 10:38 AM |
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Hanging out with Addie and Eli and Ben yesterday made me realise how much I've missed them and missed out. Its not like I'm hanging out tons with the law people, because I've been missing out on that side as well. Frankly I don't really know where I've been, and where time has disappeared to. Its strange and I can't really put my finger on it. It didn't even take much yesterday to make me realise how empty it has been. All we did essentially was stand in line to buy tickets (for 45 mins because lido is inefficiently unequipped to deal with computer meltdowns), watched the movie and then had teh peng and stingray at adam. But it was nice, the simplicity of it all, listening to addie and her theories about materialistic love, eli and her dumblonde comments, and even ben, with his, "all men are bastards" line. Its been a while since i've heard the girlish giggles of my girlfriends...
And you'd think that I would have gone out again tonight, having missed them so much. But nooo... Volatile ol' me chose to stay at home, alone. I actually enjoyed the domesticity, cooking myself chicken soup, washing up, packing my clothes and just lounging in front of the tube. There wasn't even anything good on tv. Kelvin told me that it seemed as if i had a split personality. ha. I can't deny that I suppose, I have a tendency to swing from mood to mood. I scare myself sometimes.
I don't suppose this blog entry has any aim, its just mindless blogging because I feel like it. Plus I just wanted to say, how can you fault someone for loving you so much that he becomes so selfish that he wants you for himself, and only himself? We all know that its bad to be selfish, but is a person morally blameworthy if his selfishness stems from love? What do you do when it reaches that point? How do you make it go away?
Have you also ever wondered what your last moments will be like? I take 30 to school every morning, (well mornings when I can wake up at least) and as it chugs along the highway, I always stare down below, and imagine what it would be like if the doubledecker bus were to topple over. Then I'd see myself covered in blood reaching for my handphone, and calling kelvin to tell him that I love him, and to tell him to remind the people dearest to me that I love them, assuming that I only have time to make one call, and then i'd be gone... talk about morbid. Imagine also, death by stiletto, where you get pierced by stillettos during a stampede, I can't remember if I've mentioned this before. And And And, I think the scariest thing of all is to get a papercut in your eye.
O O O! Ok, a lil advertisement here. A group of friends and I are shooting a short film again and I need some actors. Catch is, you'll most probably be free labour. But I'm appealing to your passion and desire to learn and grow with different experiences here. ANyway, I'm looking for:
1) A father. 50 yrs thereabout.
2) A mother. 45 yrs thereabout.
3) Older brother. 24 to 26 yrs. Artistically and musically inclined, leads a bohemian lifestyle. Rebellious tendencies.
4) Middle brother. 21 to 23 yrs. Brooding character, but very dependable, very steady person. Average student.
5) Youngest sister. 17 to 19 yrs. Precocious, brilliant sportsgirl, wilful, intelligent.
Anyone interested? Spread the word please!!! Let me know, leave a tag, or email me at venuz_81@hotmail.com
Much appreciated!!
I think Harper's Bazaar has very ugly shoe and bag recommendations. I have newfound shoe and bag fetishes. yum yum!
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 1:26 AM |
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| Friday, March 05, 2004 |
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when i got myself in trouble back home, it was a norm that i'll wake up the next morning to find a long ass red inked letter pasted on my door. it was my dad's way of lashing out at me and alot of it is plain bullshit. but, whenever that happens, i'll get upset. eli will go " WHAT?!?!?! again!!! hiyoh...". mei will say , " What? thats out of point!!" and i'll just sulk. sometimes, for a few hours before i tell myself fuck all that shit. sometimes, it'll last for days. sometimes, i'll get depressed that i'll just stay home and lock my ass up.
well, u might think that by being so far away from home, i might, possibly, escape the detrimental effects of the red letter. but noooooooooooooo.. it managed to find its way and crawl back into my life to haunt me. my dad met up with my boss when she was in singapore to promote my school and she passed me my red letter this morning.
inside, my dad didn't lash out at me. instead, he lamented his regret of sending me to hawaii. he said that when i'm not at home, its quiet. he sits on my bed and stares at my pictures. pictures of my cross team. my stc friends. pictures of mei and eli. pictures of my world.
my only reply was this: what's going to happen if i don't return home?
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 4:31 PM |
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hell hath no fury like a woman scorned
nor heaven a rage like love to hatred turned.
i want to watch monster!
eLi~ |
| posted by 3 @ 2:30 AM |
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| Thursday, March 04, 2004 |
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addie has new pictures! and i was really happy looking at them.i'm beginning to think that i really miss home because :
1) Nic poh is slowly looking very handsome to me.
2) Panda has always been a good looking boy, but then, he's looking even better and he's quite hot too.
3) Jess looks like a grown ass man. a grown ass man with the same cheeky smile.
4) And i didn't puke nor looked away when i saw Kwan Yi's picture.
So really, i think i'm missing home alot. Maybe i'm just going blind.
more pictures addie. more more more...
nat
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| posted by 3 @ 3:32 PM |
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once upon a time, there were three girls. one sexy one, another cute one and the third.. well, plain. the three girls shared an amazing relationship. its like they had this magical connection between them, something so strong that everything they did together always turned out good. no matter the situation. one time, these three girls decided to spend a day by the beach. they had an amzing time at zouk the night before, drinking, dancing, laughing that they decided that a day under the sun would do them good. so the next day, after breakfast at a cheapskate mama kopi tiam, they headed for sentosa. they tanned for awhile and eventually hopped into the dirty greenish waters. inside, they were happy. chatting about school, about their dreams, about boys... however, while they were having fun, someone walked up and grabbed their bag. inside, 3 wallets, a poloroid camera, 2 hps and other less important things. so the three girls were left stranded. 3 almost naked girls had to walk around the beach looking into dustbins, staring at other people and feeling vexed. with some help, they managed to hitch a ride in a bus to the police station, still almost naked, found their clothes, lost alot more and eventually found their way home. admist all that, they felt sad and helpless but they were still happy and relieved that each had one another.
to mei and eli, u know its incidents like these that put a smile across my face. not because of our pure stupidity but because the three of us always had one another to fall back on. its a nice comforting feeling. love u soo much. it'll be hard to ever find people to replace u. never.
nat
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| posted by 3 @ 2:14 PM |
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| Wednesday, March 03, 2004 |
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i am not always what i blog
it makes me not know what to say when people ask me if im okay
cos i really am not that okay but i dont really want to explain why im not
so ill say im all right and to a certain degree i really am all right too.
and since you gotta say something ill take the shortcut of both
and say im all right so that i dont have to explain myself,
since i dont know why im not totally all right too.
blogs are sorta freaky if u come to think of it cos now and then someone peeks into your mind and see what ure really thinking, and sometimes i blog about stuff that i dont feel that strongly about but it coming out on a blog would make you think that its serious and a big deal and so i hate having to explain myself to people to say that hey my blog entry last night was just a spur of a moment feeling i wasnt all right at that point in time but now's another story and its a brand new game. everything should be taken with a pinch of salt and its tiring to feel misunderstood sometimes like even if i do blog about sad stuff it doesnt mean im sad all the time maybe im just emo at night or when i feel a wave of discourse coming on and its precisely at times like that when its best to write and let it all out.
so maybe i should start writing when im happy too just to let all that giddy-head ecstasy come out.
im happy tonight cos i just had geylang durians!!! *burp burp*
.eLi. |
| posted by 3 @ 11:58 PM |
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its cross country nationals today!!!! fuck man.. i'm fucking excited!! someone please please tell me what happened.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 4:17 PM |
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| Tuesday, March 02, 2004 |
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It's gonna burn for me to say this
But it's comin from my heart
It's been a long time coming
But we done been fell apart
Really wanna work this out
But I don't think you're gonna change
I do but you don't
Think it's best we go our separate ways
Tell me why I should stay in this relationship
When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby
Plus theres so many other things I gotta deal with
I think that you should let it burn
When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might ruin you
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn
Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We know that it's through
Let it burn
Let it burn
- burn, Usher-
Despite the very sad lyrics, i'm actually really happy. I just happen to love this song alot. and it's brand new. so to all my singapore friends, u first heard about Usher's" BURN" here. its a very good song, u can almost feel his pain.
nat
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| posted by 3 @ 6:35 PM |
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| Monday, March 01, 2004 |
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oh ya did i tell you about my first 4D ticket.
i had such a good feeling about it, that i didnt mix the numbers up to buy.
so i bought 2256 and plopped a hefty $10 bet on it for saturday.
and 5262, or was it 2526, came out!!!!!!! =(
i should try my luck at ToTo i heard its easier to win.
and these little cheap thrills do give me a little sense of anticipation,
its like buying hope since winning brings you money and in turn,
brings u all the material things that you've ever wanted and theres no harm in acquiring material things right,
since all other intangible stuff seem to diminish or fade away one day anyway.
material things are practical. and are here to stay.
.eLi.
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| posted by 3 @ 11:26 PM |
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i put faces to songs and sometimes they sum you up better than i.
.eLi.
song for the moment
by starlight - sp.
By starlight Ill kiss you
And promise to be your one and only
Ill make you feel happy
And leave you to be lost in mine
And where will we go, what will we do?
Soon, said i, will know.
Dead eyes, are you just like me?
cause her eyes were as vacant as the seas
Dead eyes, are you just like me?
And all along, we knew wed carry on just to belong
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| posted by 3 @ 11:13 PM |
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thank you babes. u know i love u.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 6:39 PM |
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So here I am, at 3:39am in the morning, trying to find a case about poisoning, yet not yielding much of any result. Poison should be the way to go I say. You just slip it into the unsuspecting victim's drink or bowl of soup or whatever, and you slip away. Its difficult to get caught. I think? WHY CAN'T THERE BE MORE CASES OF POISONING SO THAT I CAN FIND AUTHORITY TO BACK MY ASS UP SO I CAN GO TO BED EARLIER!!!?????
ANYWAY, I'm sitting here feeling all nice and fuzzy because I feel loved after reading Eli's entry. a marked difference from round about half an hour ago where chills were sent down my spine because the clock was approaching 3am, and some dog outside was howling, and I had to be reading about spilling intestines, splattered brains, and all that creepy shit, for lack of a better phrase. Sometimes all that Korean ghost movies ain't too good.
So ANYWAY, i just popped on in to tell my girls that i love them both dearly, and that Eli, you'll never EVER be extra, because you will ALWAYS have a specially reserved space in my heart, no matter where we are, no matter how old we are. And Nat, yea, I hope you'll survive the boys that are all vying for your heart back in Hawaii, because yea, there is only that one heart and one soul, and if you don't give yourself time to breathe, you're gonna find yourself spent. Save the lovin for us eh?
It took me bloody twenty mins to type this.
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 3:52 AM |
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