| Friday, April 30, 2004 |
|
i am tired.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 7:29 AM |
|
|
|
| Wednesday, April 28, 2004 |
|
DID YOU KNOW, THAT www.taitais.com EXISTED?
tai tai wannabes, check that site out.. Heaven.. I'm in Heaven...
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 2:39 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
has anyone watched the inferno on mtv?
has it ever occur to u that that show is so racially structured? if u look carefully, there's only one black boy and girl in each team. no asian. no hispanics. just primarily whites. and they say what again? that america's a racially harmonious country. fuck that !
and i absolutely hate it when people slang. please, when u have a really thick asian accent , it'll stink. sometimes, if it rubs on to u and it sounds natural, like weijun's ,its all right. it can get pretty sexy. but when it's forced and faked and when u look like a roasted asian pig with a kek say american accent, pleeeeeaaassssseeeee.. learn to talk properly, in your own natural voice. if the above fails, then please, stop embarrassing yourself and shut the fuck up. i'll rather be a chao ah lian who speaks with a combination of some english and a whole lot of hokkien vulgarities then be one of those asian cum ang moh people. anyday man. if i do change to become like that, i'll keep talking to myself and irritate the shit out of me. so yeah, its all good.
nat
|
| posted by 3 @ 9:34 AM |
|
|
|
|
|
it only struck me a few days back that we're reaching the end of april. and suddenly, i realised how quickly time flies and another semester is ending. I remember several months back, when i first stepped into college and being alone was such an awkward feeling. i used to hide at one corner. sitting on the stairs of the highest floor and eatting my cookies while i gaze at the people below me, mix and mingle. Several months later, i've been accustomed to that feeling. I still have that many friends as i started out here. i'm quieter than i was before. but i'm happier. maybe not. maybe just disillusioned.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 9:31 AM |
|
|
|
| Tuesday, April 27, 2004 |
|
You know what the worst thing about papercuts is? Its that most of the time, you don't really realise it when you cut yourself. Its only when you try to squeeze a lemon and your hands start to smart. That's when you go ow.
Job hazards.
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 10:53 PM |
|
|
|
| Monday, April 26, 2004 |
|
as we grow a little older do we grow a little more detached from the world as well.
the company u enjoyed, the vibrance in your eyes upon every laughter, of raw ephemerality .
as we grow a little older do we settle a little more into our own skins, and our own holes. how long more till we dig to the very core of our own existence would we realise the fallacy of it all.
that there is nothing more to find.
where are you to stop me from burrowing.
eLi. |
| posted by 3 @ 9:02 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
fi fie fo fum
i have a problem with odour. body odour specifically. i was on the bus last night and a banglah plopped beside me, dont scold me i have absolutely no problem with banglahs, i just have a problem with the smell,
the -construction site+perspiration+olive oil?+natural bodily fluids- smell. UGH.
i wasnt bein rude but i instinctively pinched my nose and i think he realised it,
but half the time he was just staring at me messaging nat,
i was telling her how bad the smell was and she said im a racist.
and i went on to say im not a racist cos if it was anybody else id be squirming too,
and then i told her i hope he cant read english. and she said im racist again and that im saying this just cos hes indian.
but nat ure half indian and you dont smell half as bad!
so today i was on the bus again and i wanted to prove a point.
out of ALL the 6 other buses i could have taken home,
i chose to wait for bus 66 which is usually filled with indians and smelly belly.
i think i got off the bus smelling like them.
would you rather smell a smelly banglah or a smelly chinese?
~eLi~
|
| posted by 3 @ 8:54 PM |
|
|
|
| Sunday, April 25, 2004 |
|
i LOVE kate bosworth!!!
shes the only reason why i wanna watch win a date with tad hamilton.
~eLi~
 |
| posted by 3 @ 2:57 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
i was telling mei the other day that 2 of my old classmates got attached to each other and i found it rather queer really. after 4 whole years of being mere classmates and sitting at opposite ends, they ended up together, mushy friendster testimonials and all. and hes clearly not her type, not the type she used to go for anyway.
so this possibility that your true love might be hidden somewhere in your past sorta manifested before my eyes, how do you fall in love with a friend whom you've known for years? isnt it weird and too close for comfort, or rather, too retarded a discovery. maybe our 'types' evolve over time and before you know it, guys whom you used to reject and thought 'impossible' become targets of your love interest. are there really specific 'types' for everyone, or are we moulded into someone else's type over time?
~eLi~
|
| posted by 3 @ 2:51 PM |
|
|
|
| Friday, April 23, 2004 |
|
jia meeeeeeiiiiiii..... i got your card!!! thank u!!!!! *muacks*.. i really appreciate it. and i already knew all that.. but thank u love, it meant alot...*hugs*.. thank u thank u thank u.. its all good. no matter what happens. it'll always be..
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 11:37 AM |
|
|
|
|
|
and one more thing, i'm a sucker. i'm a sucker for people who are nice to me. people who are sweet. like even if u've been a real bastard and u cry and buy me soymilk, it'll be straight. so yeah, i am a sucker. add in stupid, naive and highly emotionally attached too.. hello everyone, nice to meet u, welcome to the real me.
and i woke up this morning to find me this msg on my cell .
" Hello Nat.. Jus wanna say hello, a big hello, a hello wif a marshmellow, a hello tats more than jus any hello, a fluffy choc coated vanilla filled hello. =)" guess who wrote me that?? and to u, thanks for that msg because it couldn't have been a better time. Hello to u too. and i miss u..
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 11:22 AM |
|
|
|
|
|
my laptop's gone. fried. dead like a dead chicken. we were in a fight and he accidentally toppled this bottle of water on my laptop. and *woosh* in that instant, i saw my computer's life go in a flash. so now, its dead. i spent 50 bucks at a computer shop to get it inspected. i got a call this morning saying that it'll cost me US $680 to get it fixed. !! wtf man... u think i'll ever spend that much cash on anything? so i might have to send it home, get it fixed, get yelled at by my parents and have them bring it back to me. so in the meantime, i'm icqless, i'm blogless and i'm ircless.
and i lost 3 of my final research papers... *dang*
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 11:17 AM |
|
|
|
| Thursday, April 22, 2004 |
|
i am very easily contented.
instead of the usual fancy roses and rows of chocolates, i prefer a simple macdonald's vanilla milkshake. to try to get me back again, thomas forgot to drive pass mcdonalds, so he parked at a local grocery store and bought me soyabean milk. that worked perfectly.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 5:30 AM |
|
|
|
| Tuesday, April 20, 2004 |
|
For those of you who've met my mum, you'd know that one of his most distinct features is her long hair.
Her long, jet black hair. Her long jet black hair that goes down to her waist.
Her preferred choice of night wear my friends, is the silk pearl-coloured nightgown.
So its these mornings where you wake up in the wee hours of the morning so you can get some serious studying done, and the whole house is dead quiet because surely, no one could be as nuts as you to get up at this time of the morning.
And its these times that she chooses to appear, my mum. Revealing only half of her torso in the doorway and not raising her voice beyond a mere raspy whisper, she calls out to me, "meishuang, meishuang."
She gets a kick outta doing that, I swear.
Sigh. I lead a highly strung life.
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 6:31 AM |
|
|
|
| Monday, April 19, 2004 |
|
i know i'm real slow to learn these lessons but it just occured to me that logic and emotions aren't very good friends. i don't understand why, maybe its because i have this desire for excitement and pain. maybe i just love the drama. maybe its because things are like a theme park ride, its spins me round and round till i get dizzy, it goes up one moment and within the next second, it drops me down real fast, u feel like your hearts gonna pop out. but then, despite all that, we still go back to theme parks. we still pay 5 bucks per ride. we still want that excitement even if its for 30seconds.
why i'm like this? i don't know. i create this self invitation for hurt and pain. i still do the things that i do. call me dumb but then sometimes, people are just like that. there isn't an explanation to everything because somethings don't have reasons. some people are just like that. so its either u accept it and all the consequences that comes with it or u just walk away.
like my dad told me last night. just remember and treasure all the good times u've spent with him. don't look back anymore. just look ahead and don't regret. but like i said, i'm stupid.
nat
|
| posted by 3 @ 5:20 PM |
|
|
|
| Sunday, April 18, 2004 |
|
people should never say things that they do not mean. because when u lie, u dig a hole. and when u start digging, u'll find that u'll be digging and digging and one day, u'll forget there's even a hole and u fall right in it.
love is a very sacred thing. don't fuck around without it. because u'll never know when u hurt the one very person that was meant for u. then u look back and regret and no matter how many sorries u say, no matter how many i still love u with all my heart, it wouldn't work, it wouldn't create a miracle and change all the hurt that has been created. because when u push that loved one to the limit, u'll just pray that u never did in the first place. because u will regret. because u will cry. because u will never get that person back again. too bad , i say, because u shouldn't have done that in the very first place. u should have known better. u should have known not to fuck around with me. u should have known not to take me for granted. u should have realised that when u lose, u really lose. too bad...too damn blardy bad. thats for playing around with my heart. and breaking it. i have no more sympathy left. just too damn fucking bad.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 10:38 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
the big sultan's mansion, marrybrown, new york hotel, teksis and restorans.
after going behind the walls that revealed a roomfull of pirated DVDs to buying more than 30 of them (including shady movies like "the dancer upstairs" and "the bad boy" =P ) , more than 10 pairs of earrings, 2 pairs of heels, 10 boxes of tao sa pias, 7 vcd peddlars, 2 monks, 1 kid who came round askin us to buy tissues twice, 12 crayfishes, spicy seafood and the GIGANTIC mugs of sugarcane juice that was less than $1.50, (we concluded that we should bring people over to JB should we need to give a birthday treat.) i realised how much we re missing out on in Singapore. and all the more so sheltered.
but 1 thing we often take for granted are how safe the streets are (im sayin this bein far from nationalistic). we got out of the car to the money changer and addie was so afraid of me being robbed of my pretty pink handbag - there were men lurking behind pillars. eee.
but i love the traffic lights! they have big numbers that count down to the time the lights would next flash, perfect for people like me who cant gauge. i feel like a Suaku even though its just across the causeway.
and my lingo faux pas for the day - conspiration. wtf. 2 seconds later (yes thats my lag time) i thought about it, and Cherd in the midst of enjoying "wild things 2" gave me his signature look and went "conspiracy". and i was like oh ya, no wonder 'conspiration' sounded so wrong.
im jacking myself before anyone can jack me so shut up already!! especially boon!!
~eLi~
|
| posted by 3 @ 5:21 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
sometimes we're never right, even when we think we're very very sure.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 3:04 PM |
|
|
|
| Saturday, April 17, 2004 |
|
For the first time in what must have been the past few weeks, i've actually stepped out of the house for the purposes of leisure. It wasn't much, dinner at a neighbour's house. But all of a sudden the world seems less negative. I feel less spent, less under-appreciated, less unloved. I'm getting the strength back to tell myself to fuck the fuckers and live life for myself. Who gives a flying fuck about people who don't give a flying fuck about you eh?
And I thought it was going to be the end of the world. All I needed was a night out! This just shows that you can never truly tame the wild at heart. Coz after a while, backsides start to itch!! Whee I can't wait to party next week!!!
And i'm sore that I'm missing out on Susie's party. DAMN EXAMS!!!!!!!!!! but HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUSIE SMITH!!!!!!!!!!!
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 11:13 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
" how many of you girls ain't wearing underwears underneath?" " How many of u girls like having sex doggie style?" " How many of u have had sex with more than one person on the same day?" " How many of u are gonna have sex tonight?"
This, my friends, were from the dj. i was at the club tonight. and it was different. instead of dancing like i always do, instead of looking at the boys like i'm so used too, my focus, today, was on the 2 wide screens above the dancefloor. At first, they were playing sex cartoons. frogs having sex. rabbits multiplying. granny sex.... then as the night progressed, the cartoons turned into life hardcore porn! as in hardcore, real thrusting, real action kind of hardcore. it was all right at first, then it became disgusting and after awhile, it was too much to swallow,i felt real sick. welcome to the hawaiian clubbing scene.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 10:22 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
so i finally walked to the post office today. and i finally got my package from eli!! oooooOOoooooOOO!!!
i opened the box and there were tiny pink butterflies everywhere. and my photo cd and my ultimate chao ah lian techno cd. and of course i had real pictures. pictures of zhirong and jia mei, zihe and sandra, kelvin and mei, boon and addie. i always knew nic had a thing for kelvin, cause there was a couple shot of nic and kelvin.
THANK YOU ELISA TAN!!! and i love my earrings. i didn't understand why u sent me a card with nothing written inside. but its much appreciated. if i could kiss u now, i would, although u'll try to run away but i'll chase up eventually. so yeah..*muaaaaaacccccKkkkssssssssssss*
and mei, u know i love u loads and shit. even through your good and ugly days. but the hair fashion show was damn ugly lah. u chao confused ah lian. *grin* its either u are, or u're not. there's no such thing as bein in between.
nat
|
| posted by 3 @ 11:16 AM |
|
|
|
|
|
its international cultural day today.
and they had this big celebration in school. like people were dressed in all sorts of costumes. there were songs and dances. and people were just happy and proud to represent. i didn't have my singapore flag but i wore a red shirt. i did, however, have a haitian flag with me. but because i'm asian, i didn't dare to flash the flag in fear if being punched inside out by the black folks. but it was really good though. there were thai dances. latino salsa performance. hawaiian and samoean screams and shouts. swedish sing-a-long. africa fashion show.indonesian hand clapping thing. it was good..
made me miss the mats at home. u know when u watch the malay shows when cute mats will sit down in rolls and do that singing and clappy hand things and bang the drums and have similar hand actions. i dunno what u call it. but i used to love watching it. yeah i checked out the mats for most parts of it. but then, u have to admit, its interesting.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 11:09 AM |
|
|
|
| Friday, April 16, 2004 |
|
It takes a vindictive person to be able to come up with something like that.
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 11:33 PM |
|
|
|
| Thursday, April 15, 2004 |
|
Itgetssoquietsometimes....
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 9:31 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
i've always been that kind of girl who could never get the boys. either i'm not hot enough, not pretty enough, not nice enough , not good enough. whatever. u get my drift. sometimes, i think its because i always want the boys who i cannot ever get. the bad boys. the hot boys. the no brainers. and after so many rejections later, i finally found one that i truly like. a nice boy. a bad boy. a funny boy. and after a long struggle, a good boy. but then, i realised that maybe this boy, the one that i really adore and like so very much, might have to go someday.they say that all good things will come to an end. i just hope that this one very good thing would stay with me. for a long time to come.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 4:19 PM |
|
|
|
| Wednesday, April 14, 2004 |
|
i met this girl over the weekend. she's not the kind of girl that i would wanna be friends with. short, nice long blonde highlighted curls, a little chubby but short muscular legs, a very suck cock face and an even sluttier appeal. but the only reason why i had to meet her was because she was thomas's friend's friend. and she flew all the way from north carolina to see this boy.
they share a very strange relationship. she's a rich girl. a princess. he's the military boy. the comedian. she wants to start a relationship. he just wants to fuck her.
i had to put up alot. as in alot. when i first met her, she refused to shake my hand. i was dressed in my sleeping wear and i was looking like shit. it was 1am in the morning and they decided to pay us a visit at my place. so yeah, imagine my face when i met her.. so during these past few days, i've spent alot of time with her because the guy cannot stand her so he always wants to spend time with us. throughout this time, i've seen her pick fights with the boy all the time. she bitches about girls who walk pass. she gets so jeolous over every single thing. she flashes her butt because she doesn't cross her legs. when the boys went to club, i felt bad for her so i took her out clubbing. to my horror, she threw a tantrum at the club, screaming that she could usually dance but she couldn't do it this time and she was upset. she didn't dance with no guys, sat there sulking and drinking her $2.50 bottle of water. my friends and i were so close to knocking her in the head and shuffing her into the toilet sit. and yesterday, i got a call from her while i was in school. she was apparently having a panic attack. she said she couldn't see and she wasn't walking straight and no one helped her. she said it was caused by her period and severe dehydration. like what kind of combination is that??? but oh well, i had to rush back from school, search for her in the hotel restroom, bought her lunch and brought her back home. and i spent the whole day at her place, listening to her rant about her sex life, about the boy, his name's logan. and all that. and last night, she cried . so i took her to the beach and bought her ice cream. hmmmm...
but of all the shit that i had to go through, this makes me the maddest and the sickest. i found out today that while both logan and her were sleeping over on friday night, something was actually happening on the floor. while thomas and i were sleeping on the bed, she was apparently giving him head. on my gwen and bobby's rug. on my floor. in my apartment!!!! wat the fuck man!!! that's just sick and very very disgusting. and to think we were nice enough to let them stay. at least have some bloody respect, control your raging hormones and like have sex or do whatever u gotta do later lah! kan ni na.. and u know what, he actually fell asleep while she was giving him head!!! ahahahahhahaa... but still... eeee eee eee...
nat
|
| posted by 3 @ 12:24 PM |
|
|
|
| Monday, April 12, 2004 |
|
he's beginning to end every sentence with either a lah or ya.
he's beginning to sing his sentences out.
he's beginning to skip and hop on the street. not the ordinary cool dude hop, but the childish little girl kidda hop.
if he had it his way, he'll eat chinese food all day long. breakfast, lunch and dinner. shrimp fried rice to be exact.
he's beginning to listen to my techno and shake his head, like he's on E and combines it with the finger pointing action.
he's beginning to fall in love with "move for freedom".
he's beginning to eat ice cream all over again.
he's beginning to say hiyoh..
he's beginning to whine alot.
he's beginning to grin a whole lot more.
and he stares into space and blanks out into slient moments alot too.
they say after u've been with someone long enough, some traits will rub off on the other person. i'm here to testify that it's true. very very true.
use your imagination and picture a black boy. someone who is very different, dressed in his thug clothes and diamond necklace, picture him beginning to sound and act like nat. it actually is very funny.
if only u guys could see. then, u'll understand how influential i actually am.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 6:44 PM |
|
|
|
| Sunday, April 11, 2004 |
|
Dear Santa,
I know its a little early, but I promise to be a very good girl if you would get me the following for christmas:
1) A MooRoo clutch/handbag
2) A pair of Stuart Weitzman heels
3) The Vertu Ascent handphone
Or you could even get me these for the next three Christmases to come. That way you'll guarantee a good girl outta me for the next three years.
Its a good deal huh?
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 6:34 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
Dear Horrified,
I'm sorry that you feel so poorly about yourself that you have to put our friend Jamie down just so you can make yourself feel better. Its ok, I'm sure Jamie, being the kind-hearted, generous soul that she is, will willingly sacrifice herself as your punching bag just so you can build a better image for yourself. This however, is EXTREMELY unhealthy. Please do not let yourself sink any lower than you already have. As you have observed, we have many on site "listening ears," so please feel free to contact any one of us before you become a destructive fool.
Yours sincerely,
Mei |
| posted by 3 @ 12:30 AM |
|
|
|
| Saturday, April 10, 2004 |
|
everyone who knows me know that i'm a meat girl. i hate vegetables. i hate fruits. i will drink fruit juices to please the girls. and sometimes, i'll cook tao gay for my monthly vegetable intake.
but recently, i've been having salad cravings. fresh nicely tossed salad. covered with a little cheese. and some of those cripsy bits. *shock shock horror horror*.. i have to eat salads everyday now. and i dream about it too.. i just hope that is a phase because i'm not trying to be supermodel thin, although i think i never will be, but its just an unexpected change. i tried the mcdonalds salad and *whooosh* i loved it... yeah, me, loving salads.. how bout that? i'm actually becoming healthy!
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 8:18 AM |
|
|
|
| Friday, April 09, 2004 |
|
i thought this was really funny haha
~eLi~
On suffering.
You gotta wonder about suffering. Like, why is it even here? Who let this crap into the universe? Aren't there like, karmic bouncers patrolling the space-time continuum, making sure a nuisance like suffering doesn't creep into existence? Where does this shit come from? If I were designing the cosmos, I wouldn't make the stuff.
I'd make only varying degrees of happiness. So you'd have your standard issue Contentment, right, which you can upgrade to Satisfaction, and later trade that in for the fully-loaded fuel-injected Happiness.
Along the way you can accessorize with stuff like Bliss, Pleasure, Joy, Euphoria and Ecstacy. I'll even throw in some real potent shit like Super-Orgasmo-Love'splosion that'll like, kill you and resurrect you at the same time.
Oh, my universe would rock. All Bliss, All The Time, baby. It'll be the Amsterdam of existence. The Happiest Universe in the World.
But then, if the world was like that people would be jonesin' for Super-Orgasmo-Love'splosion all the time.
I mean, Contentment is nice and all, but it sort of sucks donkeyballs compared to the real good shit, ya know? So there'd be all these joy junkies and cartels and gang wars and death and, well, suffering.
Which brings us back to square one: Who let this crap into the universe?
-T.
|
| posted by 3 @ 4:14 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
Heads up babes! We've got ourselves some friendly competition.
www.bjcs.blogspot.com
but its ok.. because
we're sexy, we're cool we're popular to boot!
and we'll fight fight fight with all our might
because north! south! east! west!
Whooooo's the best?
Dumblondes Dumblondes WE'RE the BEST!
haha
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 12:45 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
the drama never ends.
and i've only been the middle person for one day and its beginning to suck out all my patience and all the good qualities that i've ever had.
i must say my dad took it really really well. i spoke to him last night and he said that its just the initial shock but all we need is time and he would get used to it. he said that it was expected of me to do something like that. he said that as long as i'm not screwing up and that i'm not going to marry him tomorrow, its all good. its just that its a big issue for my mom. although she did leave her family to marry an indian boy, she thinks that being with a black boy is too extreme and unacceptable. i spoke to her today and she threatened to fly her small ass of hers here to take care off me. apparently, having my mother here would drive away all the boys, all the drama and everything that comes with not having a mother to look after me. yeah right..
and then on the other side, u have thomas to think about. his whining. his constant fear that they might change their mind and say no. his growing anger that he's being racially judged. i know its unfair for him too. i know that i've put him in a spot, a place where he's not used to and its unfair that they don't really want me to be with him because he's black. but he's thinkin too far. he thinks that if the pressure continues, he'll break down and eventually drop me. he thinks that he cannot be himself. so after all the drama, i decided that he's not meeting them. and yeap, he's not flying home to singapore in july either. so sorry folks, no thomas this summer.
i like how i'm put in a spot. having to please both parties. but i cannot help it if i fell for someone who is of a different race. i respect my parent's openness to the situation and i feel really grateful. but i know that it wouldn't last because reality hasn't really hit them yet. its like a surreal dream and it doesn't come to life untill u see it for your own eyes. and i feel for thomas. i feel sorry for putting him in a spot. for making him feel like he's not good enough. for making him feel like he's given so much of himself but it might just be taken away simply because he may not be accepted. its not like i'm getting married. yet, i dunno why its such a pressing issue to me.
i'm getting a headache.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 12:26 PM |
|
|
|
| Thursday, April 08, 2004 |
|
"Nat, I've come to know that you have a good friend. Is he your boyfriend? Please pay full concentration on your studies first. Is he a Black guy?Don't give me a heart attack. Love, Mommy."
so after 6 1/2 months, i've finally told my parents that thomas exists. my mom took it really hard and my dad's trying his bestest to be understanding. " its okay with me,as long as he's not a muslim", he said. but something inside me tells me that all that will change when they finally meet him in may.
hmmmmmm......
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 3:49 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
I'm so tired but i can't sleep,
Standing on the edge of something much too deep.
Its funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
Oh we are screaming inside but we can't be heard...
how apt. its that time of the month again when insecurities flow freely along with the violent mood swings. Where nothing i ever do seems to be right. And loneliness really, is the only thing i have. Nono, this isn't a pity me entry. I'm just laying it all out. For myself really. but yea. I feel like I should lock myself up in my room whenever these moods set in, much like a werewolf on a full moon. I think I do more damage to myself than anyone else.
because you question and you question. and everything falls apart in your mind. the scariest part is that i think that there might be truth to all these insecurities. they're just well hidden when i don't feel as vulnerable as this. its times like these where even the strongest pillars in your life can't hold you up. because you doubt them, even them. because you wonder if your entire life has been a farce. because you can't help but wonder if some people don't tell you what they really think, and let you continue living your life in absolute farcical oblivion.
Welcome to PMS week. one of my many weak points is that I'm afraid to be portrayed as weak. but i think that if you pried away the outer shell, that's all you'll find. vulnerable ol' me.
but life goes on... i don't have suicidal tendencies.
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 2:50 AM |
|
|
|
| Wednesday, April 07, 2004 |
|
i realised that short skirts do e justice but i look best in a plain white racer top and faded low rise jeans.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 2:35 AM |
|
|
|
| Tuesday, April 06, 2004 |
|
i can' help it. in light of my entry below. i had to share this song:
*sings*
" girl u wanna come to my hotel, baby i'll give u my room key. i'm feeling the way u carry yourself girl, and i wanna be with you cause u're a cutie. so if u wanna come to my hotel, all your gotta do is holla at me. cause we're having an afterparty, checking out 6 in the morning..." - Hotel, Cassidy and R Kelly
i know its taken out of context. but the hotel isn't referring to the structural building. it's... u know lah..way down south.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 5:58 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
i know this girl. when her roommate moved out temporaily to spend the spring break with her bf, she took full advantage of having the whole apartment to herself, went to the club, found herself a boy and brought him home to fuck.now the thing about it is, she claims she's a virgin and that she's saving herself for the right guy. okay..so instead of having sex the normal way, she allowed this random guy to stick his dick up her ass twice! but the bigger joke is this, this girl has proudly pronouced that she loves dry sex and that she had another guy stick 4 fingers up her. and to add on to the list, the guy who stuck his dick up her ass. well, he ain't the first one to do so.
now i'm wondering, how the hell do u stick 4 fingers up and still proclaim that u're a virgin????
and can u imagine her telling the guy that she wants to lose her virginity too, this: " oh baby, u know i've been waiting for someone like u for so long. someone who i really love and really treasure. someone that i can trust to deflower me. but oh, i forgot to tell u that i've let some guy, errr, i dunno what's his name now, stick 4 fingers up me. and yeah, some other guy stuck his dick up my ass. and i was really afraid because i thought that if the guy came in my ass, i would get pregnant! so i called the whole world and told them that some random guy came in my ass and that i would get pregnant. but oh, it felt good. but anyways..back to what i wanted to tell u..hmmmm oh, i did this with another guy. but u know, my hole's especaially for u. so really, what we're gonna share is actually really special.."
like huh?? wtf man! u fucking dumb fuck..
no i'm not interested in you sex life. especially if its centered around the butt area. no i don't want to explain to u that u should NEVER have sex with a stranger. because your body's a temple, your temple, your holy shrine. not some thrash that some guy can randomly pay a visit too. and no, you're not a virgin anymore so please stop pretending that u are because i'm tired of listening to how much u're not sexually desperate and that u value your virginity. wtf man...
i know i'm perverted lah. but this is just... bish.. i dunno man..
nat
|
| posted by 3 @ 5:49 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
Forgive my lapse in composure,
but....
I REALLY MISS MY BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY... :(
I wish Saturday would come sooner...
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 3:29 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
apple makes you an apple snob
and apple users know exactly what im talkin about.
im happy cos i went out with my daddy yesterday and he bought me my new iPod in-ear earphones! soft and squishy. weeee! but my firewire is still out of stock, so all thanks to sherpee for lending his to me first =)
i was looking at my new box of earphones and like all other apple products its so nicely packaged and when u rip it open, its this shiny white plastic rounded squarish kinda box with the apple logo, u lift the cover carefully and there u have it *bling bling bling* new earphones with extra ear plugs. diiiivinne.
and thats exactly what apple cashes in on - packaging.
i guess many a times i could have gotten cheaper alternatives, but its odd to see mismatches, like ugly black walkman earphones with my ipod. i cant bear to!!!!
be comforted that im still using my $2 pouch for it instead of splurging on the original leather clip one.
its not so much the product anymore, its the pretty exterior that counts. this is very bad cos apple makes you want more and more, it just gets prettier!
i like pretty things. everyone likes pretty things.
eLi. |
| posted by 3 @ 2:24 AM |
|
|
|
| Sunday, April 04, 2004 |
|
i hate everything about you. why do i love u? - Three days Grace
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 6:12 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
everytime i sacrifice and i think i made a right decision, i get a slap right back.
if only i had all the answers to all my questions.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 6:09 PM |
|
|
|
| Saturday, April 03, 2004 |
|
Do you know, that my hair is so damaged after all that bleaching and dyeing that my fringe stays up straight 90 degrees from my forehead when I pull it up? Just a lil useless piece of trivia.
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 11:10 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
My dabbling in philosophy in the legal theory module has taught me one thing: That there's always going to be a million and one vastly differing perspectives about any one topic. And with something as intangible as love, one never hears the end of it. I thought I'd add in my two cents worth instead of flooding the tag board.
I suppose the saddest part about falling in love and being in a relationship is that you do inevitably lose a part of yourself. Its a fine art divvying yourself up into so many little pieces. One for school one for him one for your family one for your friends one for PR's sake and one for yourself. ANd then at the end of the day you ask, which part is truly me?
But you are all of that.
I profess that I don't remember much about being single. And I'm most definitely not bragging about it. Its a shame that I've forgotten what falling in love feels like. The whole process of developing that crush, replaying that five second frame where your gazes met, hands brushed against each other, and lips touched. The 8 hour marathon conversations where you felt as if you couldn't tell that person enough. The first date. The first long stemmed rose. The teasing smses and old skool love letter writing. Back then you were always so convinced that this is what being in love is about.
Then you realise uhhh maybe not, because what happens after you fall in love? It becomes less about love actually, and more about compromise and compromise and compromise and fighting. ha. I don't believe that I've become more cynical. Just more realistic. Because there is no ideal. Sure, there possibly is a perfect one out there. But I highly doubt that he was made to measure. I think people only become perfect for each other because they are willing to mould their lives around each other. The ideal is shaped. I don't think its about lowering standards and settling for second best. Rather its more of finding out (somewhat by trial and error) what perfect really means to you. Afterall, the only two things that are certain in life are birth and death eh? How would you know what you want is really what you want until you've tried?
Eli, you're one of the most beautiful people I know. The one who never gets angry and is always smiling. Even when you do get angry, you never lose that twinkle in your eye. Its amazing. And don't deny the existence of your bevy of suitors, because you know that they're there. Open your heart a little wider, think a little less, fear a little less, and he'll find you. No he really will. But ahhhh, she never does listen to us anyway right Nat? :)
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 12:55 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
its so difficult to find someone you love and who could love you the same way back, thats y i think couples are a priviledged lot and i didnt understand how people could get together and break up just as easily.
and then you start to grow a lil older and a lil more cynical along the way and it just occurs to you that hey every once in a while people do get into relationships and get out of them and it all becomes part of the process. suddenly love just didnt seem as exclusive anymore.
what do you hope to get out of love? they never seem to last do they. its like this cycle that goes on and on until you reach a certain age and realise that its time to get married and procreate and so u marry whoever your boyfriend is when ure 28 or something. Love in the real world is just too systematic for my liking.
im a firm believer of love actually,so much so that it seems rather impossible to ever have a love so ideal, where all the feelings fall in place that u literally feel hearts a-wrenching, perhaps in the process of looking for the ideal, i have also somehow convinced myself that its probably never gonna happen. and i dont want to settle for second best.
i dont know how it is to share a life with someone when i already have so much on my hands, i dont know how it is like to handle 2 lives so dependant on each other. someone told me im probably commitment phobic.
but i dont want to lose myself i have too many things i want to accomplish on my own and i dont want my happiness to be pre-defined by someone cos its a huge power ure giving to a person when he can make or break you.
maybe ive just become a little self-centered.
but its a tradeoff all the time huh, in gaining abit of that giddy rush, u lose a little of yourself too.
~eLi~ |
| posted by 3 @ 1:55 AM |
|
|
|
| Friday, April 02, 2004 |
|
i'll never understand why there has to be gaps in between the toilet doors. unlike the toilet doors in singapore which are closed and tight as hell and no one can peep or see through unless they stick their head from below, the toilet doors here are only 3/4 closed. like there are gaps everywhere. the sides. the bottom. everywhere!! and gaps big enough for u to side your thrid finger through. it looks like a whole different door disattached from the sides. that kind of gap. and say, if u're washing your hands and u decide to look back and peep at the girl peeing, just look and u can tell exactly what colour panties she's wearing today. yeah, that kind of gap.!
so everytime i pee, i have this weird feeling. especially after the peeping tom incident when mei and i were both camp instructors. peeing is a very sacred private thing and just the sheer fact that someone can see what u're doing is very.. suggestive. so everytime i pee, i try to hide behind the door, like a little kid playing hide and seek. and when i eventually come out, u'll see these girls giving me that "i know what u're doing inside" smile.
i don't like it. i really don't like it at all.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 2:38 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
Sometimes, temptation creeps up behind you oh so slowly...enrapturing you...
And you succumb...
Its only human nature to want to taste the forbidden fruit...
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 12:34 PM |
|
|
|
| Thursday, April 01, 2004 |
|
| HAPPY ARPIL FOOL'S DAY !!! |
| posted by 3 @ 12:29 PM |
|
|
|
|
|
*sings*
i know what i want and i want it now... i want you. cause i'm mr vain!!!!
OOOOooooOOOOO!!!!
*shakes backside* ah ah ah...
*screams*i cannot wait man..to come home..hello april!. ting ting ting... yay!!
AND RICHARD BOON.. I WANT MY ID!!! before i come home and whoop your ass.. chey ba.. like real like that.
nat
|
| posted by 3 @ 4:46 AM |
|
|
|
|
|
