| Wednesday, June 30, 2004 |
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its been awhile....
malaysian boy has been dating my roommate. i don't like him every much as everyone can tell but since he wants to sleep with her, i have to tolerate the kissing noises that occur till late at night. it feels weird when u have a boy u don't like very much stay over at your place everynight. its just annoying to hear them feel and touch each other. oh well, i don't like it at all. but i'll suck it up. its just gross. and when he first came into my house, he was in awe and he was watching my every move and touching my things. he's been giving thomas the eye and been acting like he owns the place. urgh.. i don't like it. i feel weird. and because my roommate sleeps on the floor, its scarier. because sometimes at night, malaysian boy will pop his head up and stare at us sleep. there was this one time, thomas woke up to find malaysian boy staring at him. its freaky. very very freaky. and my roommate claims to be a virgin. oh ya, all right. its been less than 2 weeks and she already has a boy sleeping with her everynight. i'm just happy i'm a heavy sleeper and that i don't hear anything.
one more thing, i'm coming home on the 5th.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 11:08 AM |
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| Saturday, June 26, 2004 |
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wahahahaaaa... i just made me 95bucks!! wahahaha.. okay lah, i didn't really earn it lah. i just finished my last final exam and within 5 mintues, i ran up to the bookstore and sold them all my books, which happened to be virgin books because i never touched them anyway, and they gave me $95.25 for 3 books!!! rip off. and i gave them one book for free. So officially, i'm done with history. but then, i don't get to spend my new money cause that money's for my phonebill. hmmm.. but yeah!
anyway..
last night, i had very many random dreams. funny how i clearly remember all of them.
i dreamt that i was getting married. in a church! and i was walking down the alter and my dad was holding my arm. i looked really really nice. my dress was real kinky though. a tube kidda top which was bare back all the way, till the top of my butt crack (funny how even till i'm getting married that showing off the butt crack trait still seems to be there)and it was all white and it was short too. like a slut kind of wedding dress. and it had diamond jewels in front. it was real pretty. i had nice long black hair that was tied up and i had lil flowers in it too. i was holding this lil bunch of white roses nicely bundled up together. and i actually had boobs and a butt to fit it that kind of dress. but anyways, i was surprised that my dad actually let me wear that dress in the very first place. and so we were walking down the alter and i see thomas standing there. i think my wedding was in Singapore because the guests were all asians, which is yet another surprise which only emphasizes my point that its a dream. but yeah, as i was saying. he was grinning as in beaming. and when i saw him, i started to tear. and we so we did out ritual thing and got married and everything was fine and danty. UNTIL we had to kiss. and it was the long kind of romantic kind of french kissing and i think my dad kidda almost died from a heart attack because he stopped the wedding. and he was like "no, u cannot get married to him!" and i stood there, crying. thomas just looked so helpless and we didn't know what to do because technically, we were already married so u can't really just undo it? u know what i mean. but then the priest said that only the parents have the right to disallow the marriage and since my parents disapproved it, even after the whole ceremony, our marriage wasn't legal then.. like WTF!!!..... then i woke up!! all sad.
i had other dreams too.
i dreamt that i was walking into Kaveh's house. Funny because i've never been to Kaveh's place before so i only had this mental picture. As i walked in, i saw this major construction and they were rebuilding the pool. Lying beside the pool, trying to get a sun tan was noelle in her lil shirt and shorts. I think she must have been there for awhile because her face was red but then she was still very fair. i said hi, she smiled and she walked away. Then i turn my head and i saw Zihe, Sherpie,Jude and Desmond ong sitting by the opposite side, singing and drinking Budweiser. I happen to like that beer, maybe thats why it was in my dream. so i continued walking, and i was walking down this slope and i saw Jane Koh. The Rjc one. i don't know her at all but i always thought she was damn pretty because she had nice eyes. and she said hi and asked me whether i had Kaveh's number. i said no, she said nice meeting u, got into this real posh Merc and drove away. That was dream number 2.
Dream number 3 was the funniest.
We were looking at some photos of the waterpolo match. Kelvin, Jess, Melody, Addie, Boon, Mei, Eli and I. Somehow, i think it was in an indoor pool. strange. but we were looking at this particular shot where the polo boys were all crowded around each other in the center of the pool. u know, before they do the jump up thing with one hand in the air, yeah before that they were in a cirle. And suddenly, jess said something like " Wah, in the picture we look damn stylo man. but actually, down there in the pool it's like we're at war like that." and we all started laughing because jess sounded like jess. then we continued talking and Jess was saying, how each time before he was going to score, he'll look up to Melody and she'll scream something, like " Go Jess!" and then she'll do this peace sign at him while grinning at him. and Melody jumped up and did it. and Kelvin was laughing at her and saying that she's damn cock and all! i cannot remember what happens after that.. but i woke up feeling all happy and excited.
So these were my retarded dreams. i'm done. i'm gonna blade home. Bye.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 10:02 AM |
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Four weeks worth of spittle, snot, tears and pee.
Four weeks worth of honesty, innocence, laughter and joy.
Its almost enough to make me dread becoming a lawyer in the future. Being around kids gives you this sense of security, because you know that they'll never be pretentious, and that no matter what they say, they're just really being honest. You also know, that no matter what happens, they always forget, and they forget to remember, and they always forgive.
So after four weeks of trying to get you to remember my name, its time to say goodbye children...
Let's say goodbye, goodbye
Let's say goodbye, goodbye
Let's say goodbye, goodbye
Let's say goodbye....
~mei~
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| posted by 3 @ 12:53 AM |
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| Friday, June 25, 2004 |
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why is it that some people don't know how to be in a relatinship? what happened to commitment, being loyal and faithful and cherishing the bond between two people who decided to spend all their time and energy just to be in love with one another? why is it that nowadays, i'm beginning to think that relationships are just a form of security.
it's beginning to become meaningless to me. because people in a relationship behave no differnt from those who are single. so why be in a relationship then?? so that u get to sleep with the same person every night? so that someone can pay your expenses? so that u have someone to kill time with? why don't people just be single and fuck around and make babies. this way, they have no one to answer to. u're not considered a bastard because u're not cheating on anybody. and u can get HIV and die and no ones gonna get hurt. wait, no ones gonna care and u have no one to answer too!! doesn't that make life alot simplier?
there's this girl i know, actually i know the boyfriend better. this guy is thomas's friend and he comes over to my place pretty often. so one day we were talking and he told me that while he was at his girl's house, she was on her phone with her ex-bf. who incidentally happens to be her baby daddy.her 2nd child's baby daddy. and in front of him, the ex boy was telling her on the speaker phone that when he comes home from Iraq, he wanna rent a hotel room for the both of them so that they can fuck and rekindle the past. and instead of declining, her reply was " nah, i DON't think so". I DON'T THINK SO???? hmmm.. okay. was she just trying to be polite??? then after that phone call, this other boy whom she met at the club called her. and this club is a ghetto black people club, i'm not bring racist but that club is thrashy and dirty and the people there are down right cheap sluts. u don't even wanna kiss nobody there cause u might just catch some shit. and during the conversation, that boy was saying how he could have fucked her but he didn't. and in front of her bf, she blatantly replied that nah, they didn't fuck because she didn't want to and if she wanted to, she could fuck both him and all of his boyS!!!! i tried consoling him and i was trying to come up with explanations for all that.i was thinking that maybe she did that just to make her man jeolous. maybe she did that to boost her ego? maybe.. i dunno. but then again, thats the kind of shit people shouldn't do to their loved ones. even if he doesn't mean much to u. there's no excuse for that kind of behavior. even if she's just bullshitting and messing around. even if..!! don't disrespect that boy. especially if he drives for an hour, every single fucking day, from the eastern side of the island to the western side of the island, just to say wassup and how u doing' to his babygirl??? especially if he gives u his last 5 dollars so that he can buy u a whole mcdonalds meal just for yourself and not get upset when u finish it all on your own and u don't even offer to share it with him??? especially if he lets u go to the club every wed, fri and sat and just sits outside the club and wait for u?? especially if the whole world hates u, his friends, his family, everybody and he still got a whole lot of love for u??espeically if u're pregnant with someone else's kid and he still wants to be that kid's father!!!!
why is it that the bastardly kind of people always pick the nice ones as their prey?? don't they realise that life isn't a game?
nat
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| posted by 3 @ 7:28 AM |
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| Thursday, June 24, 2004 |
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lawrence ang got married?? damn... i have nothing against him. he was my cross country coach and all that. but just knowing that he, of all people found someone and got married, gives me hope that i too, will someday settle down and get married.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 11:16 AM |
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this is for ms sandra aw. In response to your question:
" how come nat always ignores me on icq? everyday she is online, with the bright green flower, taunting me, and i say hello, and she ignores me. i am half tempted to change my nickname to one that sounds like a handsome black man to get some sort of response from her."
ahahahahahahahaha....
firstly, i didn't know that u have my icq number.are u sure it's me?
2ndly, i don't know your nickname.
3rdly, if your nickname was handsome black man, i'll definately holla at you first!!!
ahahahahahaha....
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 11:05 AM |
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| Wednesday, June 23, 2004 |
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its 1.42am. and i should be asleep by now. especially since i have a final tomorrow. But i have 10 mini essays to write, a whole lot of history bullshit to condense and alot more of beauty sleep to catch up on. But i'm deliberating. as usual. daydreaming. and thinking of what lies ahead.
i just spoke to yogi. he's all the way in australia. we were once upon a time very close friends. he makes me laugh all the time and it was real nice having him around. it still is, mind u. it seems like i haven't known him for long when in actual fact i've known him for 4 long years already. its amazing how time flies. and how much people change. i'm just excited to go home again. to see the familar faces and crumble in warm hugs. and what made it even more special was the fact that even though we haven't spoken to each other for months, it felt like there was this chemistry present. the same chemistry that was present when we were buddies. this kind of relationship is so hard to come by these days. its like two people can disappear for months and when they finally chat, even if we're two continents away, we chat like we've been talking forever and still give it to each other.
amazing..
but i hope he knows that suren's still my favourite aneh.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 7:42 PM |
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"cos i have found that all that shimmers in this world is sure to fade,away."
for a minute it seemed all very settled like you put a lid to that box you never want to open up again. and from that quivering stance of a millisecond you're in a vertigo going on a downward spiral. u think. and you ache.
very random, do you look back and wonder what the hell you were thinking, its like seeing yourself in sec 1 wearing oversized polka dot jumpers with ugly dr. martens, and at that point in time u really thought u looked every part the coolest kid on the block. until you turn 17 and look at those pictures again that is, even the prettiest things then become hideous. or vice versa sometimes.
how many things do we do that we dont regret. how many times do we fall to the extent of not picking ourselves up in time. when you grow up you learn. but you dont forget.
and although when you look back again it may not seem so bad. yet an awful pang reminds you really.
mood swings.just that mine doesnt swing back and forth, it swings down and stays right there.
~eLi |
| posted by 3 @ 12:59 AM |
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| Thursday, June 17, 2004 |
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i erased my previous entry because my bestfriend was dying of an anger heart attack.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 9:55 PM |
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if i could, i would line them all in one straight line and punch them in the balls. either the dick or the boobs.either one. balls.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 5:01 PM |
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| Tuesday, June 15, 2004 |
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Today, one of my boys Joshua wet himself. He went about his usual business, pulled down his pants and stood at the toilet bowl. And he fired away, and totally missed the bowl. And after missing the bowl, he swiftly and deftly proceeded to wet himself. Underwear, pants and socks. Here's how the conversation went.
Me: Uh-oh! Josh! You wet yourself silly boy!
Josh: No! Its your fault!
Me: Me? Why is it my fault? (very amused and very eager to find out why)
Josh: Because you didn't hold it straight!!!!!!!
This is the song that's stuck in my head.
"Let's say hello hello, let's say hello hello
Let's say hello hello, let's say hello.
Wo men shuo ni hao, wo men shuo ni hao,
wo men shuo ni hao wo men shuo ni hao."
This song, plus, Skeemenringki Dinky Dink
Ask Susie what song this is if you don't know it already. I once heard her sing it very loudly in the void deck.
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 11:11 PM |
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so today was my big day. after waiting for 2 weeks, i finally got down and dirty and did what i had to do.
goodbye lil peanut. i wished there was a better way. a route which i could have chosen. but i'm weak and i wanted the easy way out. i'm sorry. sorry that i had to leave u this soon.
if only u knew how i really felt.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 4:06 PM |
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as of next week my job as a guide involves bringing tourists to sentosa/ the zoo/ the birdpark/ the night safari, head-counting them and meeting them three and a half hours later only to bring them back. so within that 3 x 3.5 hours which comes up to close to ten hours for 3 trips, i do nothing but roam around either tanning, searching for more animals at the zoo, speaking to retarded parrots or looking out for non-existent nocturnal creatures in the dead of night.
i make a lousy tour guide for Spore cos there really is nothing i find interesting about this country of which i preach.
after a month im quite sure ill get full marks if i ever again attempt one of those animal hunts thing we used to do in primary school.
"we are going to the zoo, zoo, zoo,
how about you, you, you,
you can come too too too,
we are going to the zoo, zoo, zoo! "
YUCK. this jingle is stuck in my head.
~eLi. |
| posted by 3 @ 1:50 AM |
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your gnosis. my gnosis.
someone asked me today,
how do people without religions base their morals and values and actions upon. where is that scale, that guideline?
i thought about it,
if you look at it, religions are basically a majority group with similar beliefs coming together and establishing centuries of history. so essentially everything else that an individual believes in can be a 'religion' as well, all that they lack is a huge number of people worshipping that ideal.
the world is such that winners are always right, losers always wrong.
but i think yet again what is 'right' is deemed by the majority and since the majority always seems to win it runs both ways.
" there is no wrong, there is no right, the circle only has one side." haha now this lyric comes in handy.
i think all religions are history written by winners and built layers upon layers to uplift to create to dehumanize and become what we all might call the divine so that people would always have a higher power to look up to. that which all began as things tangible to humans, messiahs as claimed by all religions were humans, what we can touch sense and feel - praised to the skies and revered upon and passed on centuries after as divine truth, god-like. and from then the minority or 'losers' deemed 'pagan' and 'occultic' banished to the very depths where they never rose from. (fyi,wiccans worship nature and the sacred feminine,they are not evil! i have too long a story to tell about this)
i don't think theres a 'right' religion or 'wrong' religion cos as long as you subscribe to it and its purpose,it acts as a driving force for your life.
i dont think Man was ever created to meet God (universally speaking here)just like the world was never meant to be perfect, so the constant search for a divine is only a purpose for which drives us to exist. We are flawed, we were made flawed.
at the end of the day, my take is that all religions co-exist unknowingly under a single God whom we would never be able to identify. a _______, cos to name it would be placing it in our world and our dimension.
religions as it is called just makes it easier to cater to varying individuals.
im not atheist. im just open to all possibilities because i believe in knowledge.
and addie's take is that all the gods play chess in the heavens above puppeteering and laughing at our every move, we are but their Chess pieces.
how fun.
~eLi |
| posted by 3 @ 12:22 AM |
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| Sunday, June 13, 2004 |
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so the first time i saw her, it was funny. In her red t-shirt and denim berms two sizes too big, doing that dance of hers, with the punching and stomping. it was funny when she came up to dawn and tried to pick woonkwong up asking dawn what his name was, where he stayed and all, and subsequently bursting into peals of laughter when she found out that she and him stayed in the same area. yup, all this without woonkwong saying a single word. such is the charm of the amazing wong woonkie. it was even funnier when she slipped him her phone number, and asked for his in return.
and the second time i saw her, it started to get annoying. once again, she was trying to pick my friend up. This time she was more aggressive, and asked him to be her boyfriend. She even followed him when he said he was going for lunch. She was still in the same outfit, her red t-shirt and denim berms. but this time, she had spots of multi coloured eye shadow and pink lip gloss.
i saw her again today. this time, i was just sad. In the middle of Orchard Road, outside of Heeren and in front of the BenQ dj console she stood. the dj announced to everyone within ear shot that she was gonna be dancing and got everyone to notice her. then he played some canto pop song, and she started her whole punch and stomp routine again. it was sooo apparent that they were making use of her to attract the public to their booth, and people were watching alright, they were watching. and she danced on, till i think the stares got a little too much for her, and she stopped. it wasn't long before she got distracted by someone giving out balloons and ran to get one. I wonder what she's thinking up there, in her own little world. I wonder if she realises that people, cruel people like you and me, we look and laugh. I hope not. I hope she's content. I also hope she changes out of that outfit, or that someone will buy her a new outfit at least.
I keep bumping into her. I wonder if that's a sign
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 10:42 PM |
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lil bernavil junior...hmmmmmm...*smiles*.. i'm gonna miss u.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 1:09 PM |
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| Saturday, June 12, 2004 |
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i got a call today. a familar high pitched scream. thick japanese accent. and then i knew. it was MAKI!!
she's this 28 year old girl whom i love to hang out with. non judgemental but hates thomas to the core. if i may add, she's the female version of thomas. engaged to a boy back home and sleeping with another back in Japan, she changes boyfriends as often as she gulpes her beers. her boyfriend in Hawaii is this 21 year old malaysian boy and yeah, she's still engaged. her boyfriends are never as old as her. some merely 19 and sometimes it goes up to 24. and they range in all sorts of shapes and sizes. white, asian, black boys, maki does them all. she's not hot or anything. in fact, she's actually this short girl around eli's height. with hair too long for her face and skin too dark to be Japanese. nevertheless, maki's fun spirited and whenever i club with her, it's like expenses don't matter. she makes sure i drink as in drink. till i smile with my big nat smile. and she makes sure i dance. and when i mean dance, i mean i'm never dancing alone and by the time its 4 something in the morning, i'm wiped out.
and its been such a long time since i've been this anxious for night time to come.i feel like i'm this 17 year old girl waiting for my exams to end so that i can club at mambo night. its like pent up anxiety. oohhh weeeee.. "somebody's girl is at this party, shaking that ass for me..." ooohh weeee... good evening world. i'm gonna have a great time tonight!!
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 1:58 PM |
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| Friday, June 11, 2004 |
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its about 2.30 am here in hawaii and the streets are still crowded in waikiki. i feel like standing behind the balcony and looking from afar is such a crime. because i'm young, i'm 19. i should be out there. dancing till dawn breaks. in big dance floors, small clubs, foam parites, beer gatherings. watever. i wanna be out there. but i can't because i don't have friends. friends who share the same interest in partying like i do. friends who will not shake they head and turn away if they see me go wild or slime some guy. friends who understand that what happens at a party stays there and doesn't linger on till the next morning. that the boys there will always remain as nameless boys that i'll no longer see months from now. don't mistaken, i don't bring boys home. i'm crazy at the club but i'm not cheap.
i wanna be out there. smelling the night air. smiling and grinning wildly. like how i used to every week. sometimes two, three times a week. but since my crazy friends are gone and the new friends are boring. i can only sit here by the balcony and watch.
i wish i could clone another me. that would make my life alot easier.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 8:28 PM |
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| Thursday, June 10, 2004 |
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i had one of those major cramps fainting blackout spells today.
with all the drama that has been happenening, i must say that i haven't been taking very good care of myself. not to mention that my body's at its weakest and with all sorts of funny complications, it isn't the right time to be fucking around. but i haven't been eating and i haven't been sleeping much. nightmares of my past, remembering all my primary and secondary school moments. these few weeks have seriously taken a toil on me. not forgetting the studying and the fighting with thomas, it all escalated to a meltdown.
i spent the whole day hurling mean comments at thomas. i spent the evening screaming at his friend. and before i knew it, i didn't eat nor drink anything. and on my way home, around 7ish, i felt this major cramp. and i'm that kind of girl who never has cramps. i bloat like a roasted pig, but never have cramps. so i was cramping up and i began to feel faint. and slowly my verison decides to play tricks on me and i couldn't sit up straight. but somehow i managed to find my way home and ploop on the floor. so it was 9ish and the cramp has been at its full blast for 2 hrs. so i started to panic and i called him over and over again. u see, i can't call an ambulance because (1) i wasn't sure whether it was an emergency and (2) both of us are dead broke and (3) i don't have insurance, so under no circumstances will the ambulance take me in. very very weird logic, i know, welcome to hawaii. while all this was happening, he was having his soccer match and his friend was busy with some girl.....so, about 1 hr later, i managed to speak to him and within 40mins, he was here. really really quick considering that he lived in another city which was real far away. he lives at the eastest most part of hawaii and i live in the southest part.
so finally he came and things were still as bad. apparently, i passed out. i had one hand on my tummy and the other clenching my legs. i was white and my head was hot but my body was cold. and i was under my sheets. but the cramps began to fade a lil. he cooked me dinner and fed me.
to be honest,i was afraid to call him because i didn't want him to think that i was being a drama queen and acting up and putting up a channel 8 scene so that he would come down. but then when he saw what he saw, i just knew that he knew i wasn't faking it.
so now i'm better. i'm darker and back to my normal colour. i figured out that it was just fatigue and hunger. since i didn't eat and drink anything for a long time. so yeah.
i just wanted to add that even though i had so much anger in me and so much hatrad in my heart, while he was here and we were eating, it seemed so nice again. like how it was before i knew anything. so magical and surreal at the same time.
yeah, i really was in love.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 6:06 PM |
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| Wednesday, June 09, 2004 |
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This morning, I woke up
Feeling brand new and I jumped up
Feeling my highs, and my lows
In my soul, and my goals
Just to stop smokin, and stop drinkin
And I've been thinkin - I've got my reasons
Just to get, just to get
Just to get, just to get
- Talib Kweli, Get By
nat
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| posted by 3 @ 12:39 PM |
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| Tuesday, June 08, 2004 |
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"It seems we living the american dream
But the people highest up got the lowest self esteem
The prettiest people do the ugliest things
For the road to riches and diamond rings."
- Kanye West, All Falls Down
My ex-bf is a very pretty creature. very very pretty, the hottest boy i've ever liked. the kind that makes you wanna stare at him for hours and smile to yourself. the kind that makes u feel proud to be walking beside him. because he's such a pretty creature.
but, despite all the beauty on the outside, he does the ugliest things. he makes all the bastards we've ever known look like angels. mei and eli would agree with me. without a doubt.
so...
i'm starting my search for my new fat and ugly boyfriend. anybody want me? i can cook and clean and i'll even wash your dirty underwears.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 3:33 PM |
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hello everyone,
i'll be home on July the 1st.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 6:42 AM |
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| Monday, June 07, 2004 |
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" everyone falls in love sometime, i dunno about u but it ain't a crime".
how is it that when we fall in love, we become so blind? to the whole situation, to his flaws, to the lies and the deception? i've said it time and time again, that i'm tired and frustrated and that if i only had a penny left in my wallet and could only make one wish with that penny, i'll wish that he'll change. but it seems that my line of tolerance is being pushed time and time again. that i slowly alter that fine line, lower my standard and soon, it seems to have vanished into thin air.
but this time around, i've fallen so hard and so deep.
i just wanna amaze myself once more. maybe then i'll wake up to see how stupid and naive i actually am.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 8:29 PM |
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Some people don't get the meaning of team work. It means that when you work as a team, i.e., with a group of people, there has to be transparency of information. How the hell do you expect anyone to conduct their lives if you assume that they lead the same life as you, a life that is centred only one thing. Just because its your ultimate passion it doens't mean that everyone else shares the same intensity of your passion. WAKE UP AND REALISE THAT SOON YOU GOON! This has gone on for far too long... really. We have our other obligations, and because of your dumbass project, I have had to reschedule and reschedule the other people in my life, and all the other things I've had to do! Bloody hell I can't believe I gave up a high paying job in the law firm because of this. Utter rubbish complete waste of time. THere was so much potential for this to become better. But its ruined, or well almost ruined. Its so unfair that he hoped for this to blossom into something he could be proud of, but this is what became of it. I don't believe it was because none of us are dedicated to this because we are. Please the cards only come out because you don't know how to allocate your resources. Now that we only have three days left to finish filming, another day has been wasted. Enough is enough. My patience is running out.
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 6:49 PM |
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dogville.
and the moral of the story is that everyone is inherently good but circumstances brings out the worst of them and before you know it even good people become self-possessed.
so caustic the moral rot is strangely gleeful to watch.
eLi. |
| posted by 3 @ 1:12 PM |
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| Saturday, June 05, 2004 |
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swingers.
very strange people who want to stay in a relationship but at the same time, yearn for sexual attention from strangers. this is how it works, a couple either meet other couples online or at sex parties and after awhile, strip, exchange partners and have sex.
and for some very weird reason, i find myself admiring these people. not because they are pretty screwed up in the brain or for the fact that they are living out their sexual fantasies but more so because they are able to manipulate the meaning of things to suit their lifestyles. erase the jeolousy and the possessiveness. and embrace the open mindedness and not being boggled down by consequences. i know that i'll never be able to do that. that a threesome is just a fragment of imagination that will never become reality. but more importantly, i take things face front. and i put too much meaning into everything i see or do.
like eli said, things are meaningful because we give them meaning. i'm that kind that give too much meaning into anything. and i believe it will one day come back and haunt me.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 6:45 PM |
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| Friday, June 04, 2004 |
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Lit, Psych, Psych, Lit, Lit, Psych, Psych, Litl, Lit, Psych...ARGHH!!!!
someone help me pick a major please. before i resort to plucking flower petals.
eLi. |
| posted by 3 @ 3:05 PM |
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"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, "it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less."
"The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."
~eLi
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| posted by 3 @ 12:29 AM |
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| Thursday, June 03, 2004 |
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no one's calling for me at the door
unpredictable don't bother it anymore
silently it's harder to ignore
straight ahead there's nothing left to see
whats done is done
this life has got its hold on me
just left it go
one love could never be
so many... beautiful scenes.
so many... beautiful things.
now what do i do
can i change my mind?
did i think things through
it was once my life.
it was my life i wanted.
Andain - Beautiful Things ( Dj Tiesto Remix )
far too late to regret now.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 1:18 PM |
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