| Thursday, July 28, 2005 |
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despite all the tourists and the fakeness in it, i think waikiki has its own beauty. once upon a time, i was so proud to tell the world that i live in the heart of waikiki. but with time, it seems like only the clueless live in waikiki. but i can't move away. i love walking down the streets checking out hot boys and looking at hookers choosing their preys. i love the 24 hour food joints. i love that all the clubs are at most, 15 mintues away. but i think i will. because i need a change in lifestyle. i want to move closer to the beaches and the mountains. i want to shop at supermarkets and walk around with that brown paperbag, not fake plastic bags. i want to walk to little mom and pop stores and smile because they remember my name. i want to live in a house, like the real world and have strange roommates and hate them and love them all at the same time.
i got myself a new job. i'm working for atlantis adventures. they're the only company that provides submarine rides and dinner cruises in hawaii and other parts of the world. i get to do different things every few weeks. and most importantly, i get paid $11 an hour and i have full medical benefits. so say, i need to clean my teeth, FREE DENTAL SERVICES and say i'm sick, dying from my period bloating and vomitting like crazy, FREE DOCTOR SERVICES. hahahaaa.. so mei tay shuang, no need to worry about me having no money and insurance to go see a doctor, i am being taken care off till the 18th of december!! weeeheehee.. the uniform's pretty cute. like a little sailor's uniform and shorts. i kinda like it. well, actually i'm excited to start after being paid $ 4.50 at starbucks and $5 at mrs fields, this is a major upgrade for me.
and i'm working at the graduates center for my boss. she moved from the international office to the graduates' center. its more frustrating now cause in the past, we only handled students from thailand and singapore. but now, we handle students from all around the world. i know many of u folks think i love black boys, but i hate african boys man.. rooooaaaarrr.. and indian students are the cutest. the real indian indian kind, they send in their primary school records, their certificates of attending a 10 day hygiene course and even a certificate of being a member of the rotary club. the chinese and the europeans are the worse. i dunno who ever told the chinese that they rule the world. maybe someday in the next decade but for now, it would be appreciated that u be less pushy and maybe read first and stop spelling your name differently in every application and writing the correct addresses when asked.
but all in all, its been a very nice, slow and eventful summer. it's not too hot, its always busy and i'm never idle. i guess thats a good thing, especially when so many things are changing. its best to be left busy when emotional issues arises. but i'm looking forward to things. for me to start working out, being busy and making money. i'm looking forward to meeting new people and being less restricted.
as fake as i sound and as forced as i seem to be, somewhere along the line, i really believe that theres goodness in everything that happens to me.
till next time..
but for now, i'm craving movement. i'm craving change.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 2:36 PM |
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| Monday, July 25, 2005 |
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stupid stupid stupid.
i registered for a subject that i don't have the qualifications to take. the pre-requisite is a foundation course in IP Law. Where to find where to find? How is that insanely possible. anything that can possibly go wrong will go wrong with me around..
how now how now
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 12:42 AM |
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| Sunday, July 24, 2005 |
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even happy endings have to end.
its reality. that life will still go on and it will still end someday. whether i like it or not. because sometimes, things happen for reasons yet unknown. but they do happen for a reason. and probably behind some of it, there might be a lesson, somehow burried underneath it all.
funny how once upon a time, i was so into it all. and then, after some time, the pressure builds up, everything becomes just too cloudy for me.
i'm a girl. i'm only 20. this pressure is just too much for me.
i don't want it anymore.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 5:51 PM |
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| Saturday, July 23, 2005 |
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my boyfriend shops like a girl. and i know i'm truly blessed when we walk into a shopping mall that sells 97% girls' stuff, and he helps me scope out the shops for the pair of shoes that i'm looking for without me even asking.
yes hongkong was swell. it was much cleaner than I'd expected, and no eli, there was no smell of chou dou fu. there was however good food everywhere, but the one i think i enjoyed the most was that humble plate of chee cheong fun with peanut and red sauce. I realised that my chinese was mostly still intact despite having gone to AC, and that Kelvin can hardly speak chinese for nuts although he communicates with his mum in chinese most of the time. I've also realised the true value of learning those 250 four letter words when you're in a dimsum restaurant and all you have is a menu in fancy chinese to go by.
the shopping ohhh the shopping was brilliant. james doesn't understand why I call my shopping stash a stash like its some kinda treasure. well it has to be treasure when you've spent all day walking around till your feet hurt so bad, going through tons and tons of shops that look exactly the same before you find stuff that you really like. i'm proud of my stash haha
no photos for photowhores because i only had my film camera. the digicam was with my sis who was in hk the week before and was on her way back whilst i was on my way there. long story short, kelvin couldnt' get leave to go at the same time so we went a week later.
thanks sandra and zihe for spending time with us. and zihe for his excellent notations on our trusty "guide to quality shops" book for the best places to eat and shop. but no thank you to zihe for getting my boyfriend all excited about the pretty hongkong girls.
i'll be back soon enough again!
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 11:46 PM |
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and this is for pple who havent seen me in awhile so that u dont get a rude shock when u see me,
i seem to be getting alot of the *shriek shriek surprise surprise* u have bangs! comment lately i cant quite make out if the shrieks were the "so pretty!" kind of the "eww hideous" kind.
it doesnt quite look like that now cos its not as thick anymore but more of less the same la |
| posted by 3 @ 12:00 AM |
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| Friday, July 22, 2005 |
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and after a long disappearance im back. although i dont really have anything much to say, or too much of minute little stuff that i cant quite put a finger to how to go about it. for a long time now i actually have no general complaints about my life, everything is okay, everything is fine. true there are days when fine is not enough, disgusted at the routine of going about the daily grind, but when u come full circle u think about how we can never ever be really be contented anyway being highly demanding creatures we can be, and so u accept the going-ons and the imperfections. i carry on being the airy fairy me i am and try not to make things matter so much. or maybe i do the opposite and make the little things matter alot and it makes me happier, little gestures little sights little sounds.
just 2 weeks ago i was in the bugis area eating a grapefruit and drinking teh terik alone (weird combi i know) at one of those as yet undiscovered good prata places and people watching. old granny selling tissue by the road, new age arty farty bunch sitting at the table opposite me rambling God and existentialism.. jap porn.. and value of eroticism (!?!?!), average sporean family having nasi briani, very normal afternoon. and it made me think about how everyone goes about their days. different people living different lives doing different things and only once in a while maybe stop to think like "hey wtf am i doing to my life what is the meaning of it all?", ponder for like 10minutes or up to a day, and move on and do the same things again the next day or maybe still pondering about it subconsciously all the time but oh well what to do we have to go about life the same anyway. i forgot the point i was trying to make. but its just like that. everything is just like that.
and also i saw this expat with his asian wife asking if they had the "chocolate drink with the chocolate powder on top" and the look of pure innocent joy when their 8year old kid was served his very first milo dinosaur a few moments later. and at that moment in time the expression on his face tells me that i want to feel that too.again. the first times. when feelings and motions arent engramed and rehearsed and gone over a million times. i want to feel the "freshness" (for lack of a better word) of things again. i get it sometimes, like when im doing a route using a technique ive never learnt before and i feel the millisecond lomographic movement of engraming it and for that supending frame im happy. or when im really hungry when i wake up first thing in the morning and i walk past the bread shop and just the smell of freshly baked confectionary makes me happy. slices of little things like these are like the polka dots on the itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dots bikini.
and then we go on.
haiyah see now i dont know what my point is again.
im all over the place but theres one place im most settled. and so when u say little things that may just be random thoughts i cant help but drift into 'what if' thoughts that threatens its security.
im adventurous at most times but boring when it comes to my state of mind cos i like it stable and happy mostly. no roller coaster ride emotions for me please. so when i think about that i tell myself contented is the best. dont have to be exciting and wah wah rah rah all the time. most times, good enough is good enough for me at least.
~eLi
and nat: i just mailed u about my catwalk thing today hahaha go read! |
| posted by 3 @ 11:01 PM |
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| Wednesday, July 20, 2005 |
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read jamie's blog today and it makes me wonder how come i'm all the way in hawaii but yet, my life isn't quite anything like the boys in melbourne!?!?!
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 6:44 AM |
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| Wednesday, July 13, 2005 |
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i have a sudden fetish for songs which have blatant sexual connotations.
For example, So Seductive by Tony Yayo
and 50 cent. Love it!
"Shorty so seductive dancin on me
Its the way that she move that makin me horny
If i wake up next to her in the morning
Im a turn over and tell her lets do it again"
Even Spanish Raggaeton songs. And now that i understand spanish, the songs are simply so kinky. Like Toma by Pitbull. It sounds good but its actually so so so naughty.
"Oye Loca! Ven pa'ca! Come here!
What!
Muevelo, muevelo sin parar!
Let's Go! Como!
Si tu quiere' que te coma toda
Si tu quiere' que te coma toda
Si tu quiere' que te coma toda
Abre las pierna', y dale Toma!"....
is actually translated to. Hey prostitute, come here. If you want me to eat you out, if u really really want me to eat your out, just open your legs and i'll eat you out.
and Shakira's La Tortura. Its all nice and all, with the awesome belly shaking and her sex like movements on her mtv. but underneath it all, its about her teasing this guy who already has a girlfriend and is making him have sexual thoughts about her.
i love these kinds of songs. the blatant kind. love it. love love love it.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 7:53 PM |
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either way i'm still fucked anyway.
so i can have my parents think that i am....
(a) a slut who has balck boy fetish. who bounces off from black boy number 1 to blackboy number 2 and have relationships with them. and using my exotic asian powers, i use them for whatever reasons and when i'm done, i bounce off to the next one.
or
(b) a pathetic girl who stuck with her black military bf who has cheated on her time and time again and doesn't have the will power to leave. who, ironically, believes that people can changes and despite it all, is still so very in love with him and wants to make plans to marry him and have his babies.
either or, my parents will still hunt me down. something tells me that i should just pretend to be (a). at least this time, my man is a university student and not a heartless marine who flies of to iraq and kill innocent people.
but in all reality, i'm very much (b). and i have only dated and have ONE boyfriend.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 11:15 AM |
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| Monday, July 11, 2005 |
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you tell me la you tell me. tell me whether you feel like slapping him or not.
mei: hi adrian how are you? yup anyway just wanted to check if you've
mei: yup anyway just wanted to check if you've put the money into my acct already?
Adrian: no end of the month
mei: oh why must be end of the month?
Adrian: thats usually when we pay staff
Adrian: i was just being nice before
Adrian: but since you not working then it gets done different lah
Adrian: nothing unusual
mei: oh since im not working then you not nice already isit?? haha no worries cld u please just let me know when you've put it in?
mei: thanks!
Adrian: just remind me next week babe
Adrian: just abit busy now
Adrian: i always nice wot
Adrian: when we operational with some shows you can come and help all the time you want
Adrian: no worries
Adrian: me kuv u
Adrian: oops lurv u
Adrian: just you dun luv me wot
Adrian: siao
mei: haha aiya because you lovable sometimes only what!! :P can can no prob give me a ring if you need me!
can you just see me gritting my teeth very hard and forcing a very sarcastic smile while i was typing?
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 11:27 PM |
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| Friday, July 08, 2005 |
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i hate night classes. they make me feel like i'm this old, single working mom, with 3 kids at home and because i want to get a degree, i'm doing a night class kind of woman. long, boring, heavily indian accented math lessons makes nat a very tired and sleepy girl.
i hate night classes.
and i wish i was back in mexico. with polluted air and non-dancing mexicans.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 11:09 AM |
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good news of the day
i managed to sell my idea of me moving over to miami once i'm done here in hawaii.
bad news of the day
once i'm done in miami, i have to come home.
bleah.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 10:15 AM |
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| Thursday, July 07, 2005 |
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my parents arrive tomorrow.
and suddenly, my life diminishes into this big lie all over again. till now, after two years, my parents can't accept the fact that thomas and i are together. so after several attempts of telling them that their precious daughter is still attached to the black marine, i decided to live the lie of us not being together because my father threatened me several times that if i'm still with thomas, he'll force me to quit school and fly my indian chinese ass back to singapore.
and this saddens me deeply because i can't be honest about who i am. that i have to hide a very big part of my life to people that are very important to me. of course i understand that if not for my parents, i wouldn't be here and that i owe them every single bit of my blessings and this rare opportunity to be here in hawaii. but at the same time, i can't help it if i fell so deeply in love with thomas. for my parents sake, i wished that i fell for someone else. somebody chinese or more importantly asian. someone in college, someone who isn't in the military, someone at home.
but sadly, i didn't. i fell for someone completely different from me in culture and in every other sense but at the same time, someone so similar.yes, he was once upon a time the biggest asshole in history, yet somehow, we managed to work things through and figure things out. this is someone who loves me deeply and managed to change and adapt himself to me. this is the guy who was a lil bit of my past, who is my present and possibily my future. someone i see myself getting married to, share dreams with and having children. someone who had history with me and with the rough patches, managed to build bridges to strengthen our bond. someone that i truly, honestly love from the bottom of my heart. someone who is not only my best friend, my conscience, my father but also my lover. he's such a big part of me. and to me, i see him as my better half. yet, i have to hide this truth from my parents. and it hurts. to not be able to be honest and share this joy that i feel within me. to tell them that this is the guy i spend most of my time with. even if he's not present, he is always in my thoughts. that everyday, we're always together and that everynight, i can be assured that he will come home to me religiously, with no complains at all. that through my struggles, he is my shoulder and my support. through the bad times, he is my punching bag. and when i'm happy and accomplished, he's my joy. that i can pee, fart, scream, cry, shout, curse and do all disgusting nat things and he'll still be there because he's my partner. and because he loves and accepts me.
and so, i'm in the midst of transforming my house. packing all his clothes, hiding and flipping all our pictures and letters and other little things. i have to wash the sheets tomorrow so that there won't be any of his scent left behind. i've double checked and all his stuff have been packed and ready to go when he wakes up in the morning. packed all my previous diaries as well and even cleaned out all of our pictures in my computer.
and so for about a week or so, i'll start living this lie. i'm just praying that they don't drop a bomb on me telling me that instead of staying for a week, they have decided to stay for a month. and i'm also praying that maybe along their travel here, they bumped their heads in the airplane and wake up realizing that its okay for their daughter to date a black boy.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 8:06 PM |
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