| Thursday, August 25, 2005 |
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and i just gotta say i think this is the hottest chick alive!  |
| posted by 3 @ 10:16 PM |
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and another. oooh look i'm a tin soldier! |
| posted by 3 @ 10:15 PM |
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I was going to post pictures of myself looking ultra retarded on stage but eli already beat me to it. well here's another one then, for your comic pleasure. :) |
| posted by 3 @ 10:14 PM |
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it was a strange feeling, a sprinkle of excitement, a dash of initial regret, and a whole lot of uncomfortable. I ventured into unchartered territory today. the science faculty. dum dum dummmm.
after 5 whole years of having not touched a single ounce of math, much less science, i'm actually taking genes and society this sem. I don't know what possessed me, but i think i might have been too attracted to the mcq exam papers. i do miss those days.
one second after looking at the paper i knew it wasn't gonna be free frag. what with the funny scientific names that i cannot even remember now only hours after my first lecture. and i did almost fall asleep, but that's sop for me. alvin next to me who took bio in jc slept soundly throughout. thank goodness for my lecturer who's english and speaks in the most lovely, loud and crips voice complete with undulating tones. she looks smart. i think i will survive.
by the way, eli's room is totally lovely to sleep over in, sans the hard floor. i think if i ever chose to stay in hall, old kr would be it. except for the smelly toilets.
and on a side note, children, this is a severe warning to learn to speak/write and express yourself in english properly, if not, at least decently. misuse of english no matter how innocent, (or non-innocent) could potentially lead to your death if a jealous girlfriend and her friends come your way. =)
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 9:50 PM |
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| Sunday, August 21, 2005 |
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the earlier post was written in early morning daze from the lack of sleep and food.. if you saw it.. it is in all probability a misunderstanding on my part.. or rather the product of the gross antics of that dingbat ugly shite. i can't say everything is ok now, but i'd like whoever who might have seen the post not to judge, please.
~mei~ |
| posted by 3 @ 7:11 PM |
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with time, i've realized that i started leading my life on these two theories. the "what comes around goes around" theory and the "butterfly effect" theory.
everyone knows about the what comes around goes around theory. its like "the treat others like how u want to be treated" theory. they are about the same. do shit onto others and it'll come right back to u. be nice and the world smiles with you, well, somehow it will. when i was a kid, my dad repeated 3 main rules to me everyday. (1) When u do something, do it properly, (2) Don't bite your fingernails [i still can't do that] and (3) the treat others like how you want to be treated. after i met thomas and watched him get hurt by girls and him hurt them back and now the both of us have suffered somehow, i realized that the whole what goes around come around theory is true. i've watched so many people treat others like shit and when the tables were turned, they freak out and wondered why.
then theres the butterfly effect theory. i learnt about this through my brother's girlfiend. it basically states that every action you make has an impact on someone or something.
my whole point of this entry is really this. treat others like how u want to be treated. seriously. cause its always so easy to look and stay on your side of the story and be blinded by the whole bigger picture. so what happens when the tables are turned around and shit is thrown at you? would you like that? nooooo.. so be nice man. make the right decisions and try to avoid drama when possible. cause sometimes, your actions may hurt others. very badly and deeply too.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 6:49 PM |
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| Saturday, August 20, 2005 |
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GROWWWLLL |
| posted by 3 @ 3:34 AM |
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it is impossible to imagine how nerve wrecking being backstage is until one has experienced it personally. i felt as if i was going to puke out my chicken rice while waiting for the catwalk to start. then my leg started cramping up in my 4inch heels and i started hyperventilating. GGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZ then you see your friends walking in after completing their catwalk and they're lips are completely pale and it makes you want to scream to let the butterflies in your stomach out.
but oh my oh my what a rush! all those weeks of training concentrated in those 10 seconds on stage. thank goodness i didn't screw up too badly. Although i lapsed into my usual unglam self in those brief moments that i actually forgot that i was on stage. i guess there are somethings you really can't hide!
and by the way, pageants aren't always bitchy. everyone's been so encouraging and supportive and sweet, its amazing! its 4 in the morning and i can't really think of any better way to say it. will post up more pics later.
mei |
| posted by 3 @ 3:30 AM |
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| Sunday, August 14, 2005 |
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and with the onset of fatigue from the 1st week stress and buzz of beginning a new school term, i feel like im turning into an old woman on weekends, just looking forward to staying home, hanging with the sisters and the dog, coupled with afternoon lazy naps and dvd re-runs. i feel you man jiamei, when i see 19year old kids now out on a sat night all decked out in skimpy clubwear im reminded of how we used to be and how we all get over that phase. we switch clubbing night outs for dvd marathons on the couch and weekend socialising parties for nice home cooked dinner.
so look what i found.
very drunk us in cocolatte from eons ago. if u look carefully behind mei and i ull see the word "sex".
outside zouk during one of the vacations that nat was back. high and happy.
i do miss those times a whole lot cos we looked so heck care and felt so.
but at the same time now when i think alcohol and late nights, i feel like staying in bed instead.
so i think the only thing is miss is the company.
i guess when ure all grown up and over and done with, ure bound to be reminded of things u left behind, its not so much regrets cos im happy with what i have at present. so no regrets whatsoever. maybe nostalgia, and that feeling of wanting to be young and impulsive without so much of a concern for anything. now, the adult part of me cant seem to bring myself to detangle from responsibility and sensibility. like self imposed burdens.
okay something totally different now. i did one of my old buddies a favour recently and went for his comms ball with him at hotel rendevous.
had to do my hair myself last minute and my newfound bangs dont really go well with my dinner dress. so. i went into my granny's room to kapuk her hair spray and it was actually damn good! like old school hairspray some auntie kinda brand but it really holds even the shortest of my bangs up when i did the backcombing and it gave me sleek and shiny hair.
eh i forgot the brand but highly recommended, black bottle with gold words. can probably find them in those dodgy hairdressing salons with aunties sporting bird's nest hair.
its monday again so its back to school. sports bash is this week i hope i dont trip and fall on my face. |
| posted by 3 @ 10:35 PM |
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| Friday, August 12, 2005 |
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after the post pmsey period, i'm finally in my normal lovey dovey mood.. like the whole haha there's everything to smile about, i love the air, i love the sun, i love the trees.. the lovey dovey mood.
and to help spread the love. here are some love songs from my ipod. and these are rather new too..
one wish - ray j
tell me (remix)- bobby valentino ft. lil wayne
cater to you - destiny's child
ordinary people - john legend
and i - ciara
charlene - anthony hamilton
can you handle it? - usher
slow down(remix) - bobby valentino
then once u're done feeling all happy and loving, u can start shaking your booty with these...they're very mainstream hiphopish.
keeping you warm - sean paul
badd - Ying Yang Twins ft. Mike jones
in ya face - ebony eyes
pon de replay - rihanna
one thing (remix) - amerie ft. jay z
tomo - pitbull ft. lil jon
bad bitch (remix) - lil webbie ft. trina
i would love to recommend some sibei ah lian techno songs or some awesomely good trance and house tracks.. but mine are all old, still solid but i need new ones.. help please?? i only have new live sets. thats all.
and after all that. its all nice and pretty and happy again. i sound so ditzy. but oh well....
but on a completely different note, i found my older diary, my 2003 diary. the one that had records of all my starbucks nights, my clubbing phase, the kelvin chasing mei dramas, the sam koh =), the peeping tom at camp, the zoukout, the cross country, the everything..
and as i was flipping through older pictures, i found this page containing a movie ticket. i can't read the prints on it anymore cause its all faded but at the bottom, i wrote " a tribute to alfian for a lovely movie night"..a few pages back, i saw this msg. a sms msg which i wrote down because i thought it was soo sweet and reminded me of alfian in every sense of it. it read " aloha! i just had my midnight choc milk and cookies and i'm a happy boy =) since i'm so high, here's a warm gd night hug! I'm going to look like garfield soon! =)" i miss the boy.. and i hope he's doing well. somehow.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 5:00 PM |
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| Thursday, August 11, 2005 |
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i admit that there are days when i'm really prejudice against other races and like sometimes, the stereotypes in my head can go too far. but when u live in a place like hawaii, where there are soooooo many different types of people, you slowly learn that its only natural that every single person falls in a stereotype. regardless of race, body hair, hair shape, anything. its really sad but sometimes, stereotyping people is a way of living. of understanding and accepting, its another form of excuse.
but anyways. today was one of those days when i really had it with racial prejudice and all that bullshit. i'm trying to put myself in this guy's shoes but somehow, i can't seem to relate.
well, what happened was this. i had this appointment to meet an agent to go see an apartment. before the appointment, i was on the phone with the agent and he was very nice to me. in fact, he was very impressed that i'm Singaporean, in college, under scholarships, have parents who are financially stable and have a job that pays me very well. so it was almost all set that the apartment was mine. but i think i forgot to mention the fact that my boyfriend was black. nevermind the fact that that minor detail was irrelevant to this situation. but it seemed to have changed everything. cause the moment he saw me and thomas, that look on his face was like "okay, u've got to be kidding me..." kind of look. i introduced myself to him and tried to carry out this conversation but he was so different from the guy i spoke to on the phone and like he didn't even acknowledge thomas at all!! that first impression itself was already very very bad. then he started giving this attitude like thomas and i were wasting his time. he hardly showed us the apartment, he merely opened the door and just stood there, expecting us to show ourselves around. I asked him for an application form and he was reluctant. he asked whether thomas would be living with me and i saw him pause for that moment, so i said no and he gave me this smile and handed me the form.
while i was filling it out, he started going on about how theres fierce competition for the apartment and all that. i couldn't fill in one section cause it needed my current real estate agent's information, which i didn't have. and he was like, okay go fill it out somewhere else and when u're done give it to me.it kidda shocked me cause he already said that there are people who want the apartment and its only logical that i should fill it out asap. and that was very rude and unprofessional as well!! thomas asked for a phonebook and he ignored him!!so i asked how was i supposed to return it to him any freaking way. and he gave me this expression and continued to say that i could call him and we could meet someday and he'll pick up the form. it was sooo obvious to me what the whole underlying meaning was, that even though i was a very good candidate for the apartment, one look at my boyfriend was enough to say its okay, i don't qualify for the house. even after i explained my financial situation, he was still doubtful and was telling me how he will check up and call my company to verify my financial status because he knows people there. like wtf??!?!? and may i please add that he never once looked at thomas neither did he talk to him. nothing.
and oh, he's an asian guy as well. about mid 30s i would say. and we were dressed very conservatively. t-shirt and jeans. we looked decent. we behaved very decently as well...
on the phone, he promised to show me around the area. the pools and the surroundings. in the end, he pressed the button to the ground level, told us to wander ourselves around and left. no thank you for taking your time to come see this apartment, no it was nice to meet u, no i'll let u know the outcome. just okay, get out now, bye.
i was really really offended. its equivalent to taking my application and throwing it away. i swear i was watching him leave the apartment cause i wanted to see whether he actually did throw it away, i would have lost it and knocked him in the head. but anyways, it was so obvious that it was because of thomas and he's black. i asked him what he thought of it and he told me that it would have been a different situation if i went to look at the apartment myself. and for some reason, i got really upset and offended. but thomas remained all calm and accepted the fact that people are like that. that some people are fuckers that way.
if this happened a year ago, i would still be upset but probably not to this magnitude. yeah i'll feel bad for thomas, make some noise and all that but at the end of the day, i'll probably just forget it cause its not a problem that is directly related to me. but i was really pissed off today. how dare u!! thats my better half, a part of me, don't be looking at him like oh he's not worth it and can't afford it. fuck the stereotypes and all that racist bullshit, this is my bf u're talking about. sometimes, i wished that thomas would resent these kinds of situation cause then it wouldn't seem so unfair.he's that type of guy who isn't prejudice. race never mattered to him. he's dated all kinds of girls and he'll always tells me that his dick isn't racist. and for something to happen to someone like this, its just unfair.
i don't think i have a point to this whole situation. just ranting. cause its already 12.49am and i'm still thinking about it. haaaa..but we did manage to find an amazing apartment. so its still a happy day afterall.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 6:26 PM |
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| Wednesday, August 10, 2005 |
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sometimes, i actually do love being sick. cause then i get to pretend to be all sick and like i'm dying and get thomas to run errands for me. errands which on other occassions, he'll never ever do. but only when i'm sick. like buying pads for me even if it means spending 20 mintues at that section going through and reading every type to see whether its the correct type or like spending an hour looking for our potential house. although i don't get sayanged as much as i would like to but at least when i'm sick, i get to make excuses. and for that, i like being sick.
and while i was laying down, i realized that it is absolutely essential for a couple to live together before they get married. cause being a couple that only see each other for a few hours and staying over occassionally is a drastic contrast from living together, living together kind. it really is. and its tough too. putting up with each other and our little perks and habits. it does get very very frustrating. but i can't say much cause i don't know whether its cause the both of us are sooo different in culture and lifestyle, or is it cause he's a boy and thats how they are. dirty, messy and can't pee straight. but nevertheless, everybody got to live together, at least for a month, before getting married. cause it makes u think twice about whether this dirty pig is someone u really want to be cleaning up after for the rest of your life. and trust me, love can only bring u this far..and it doesn't even bring u THAT far.
i have 4 house viewings tomorrow. i'm excited. i want to live in a nice apartment. after looking at arun's and ivan's house, i have this urge to live in a nicer place too. someday, i shall post a picture of my house now, its small, like a pigeon's hole but cute and a wonderful view of waikiki. but i realize that i don't take strolls down waikiki anymore and i come straight home after school, so it really doesn't matter whether i live in a fancy estate or not. i want a pool, a nice decent swimming pool not like a fish pond but a real pool. i want laundry machines. and i want space. so i'm excited. weeeheeheee.. and this time round, thomas and i are gonna split the rent so we can afford to get something more expensive and worth it. and i can' wait to shop for furnitures too.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 5:53 PM |
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| Saturday, August 06, 2005 |
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on a very different note all together, if u r very free and have nothing to do, i encourage you (mei and eli) to read our old entries, especially the late 2003 onces.. hahahaha.. we were very very cute once upon a time u know! very funny too..
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 6:35 PM |
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Thomas is finally a civilian now. 4 years in the military. ha.. and i actually spent 2 of the 4 years with him. but being a part of this final leg of his military journey has been an emotional awakening for me.
i sat on his bunk bed today. and opened his little box of ex girlfriends' letters, naked pictures, cards and prayers. and i thought to myself that God must have been a very busy man. when he was in his cheating days, thomas had like 5 gfs at one point. and we all prayed for the same thing; that God would bless the relationship, that he would help it grow and that one day, they would get marry and have beautiful babies and an awesome family life. but somehow, 4 of them got kicked out and my prayers seemed to be the one that was blessed upon. which is a good thing, not that i'm complaining. but looking at the pictures didn't stir any negative reaction from me at all. if it were 3 weeks ago, i would have threw a crazy fit. i would probably have torn everything up, burnt them, threw them in the toiletbowl and flushed them down the drain and THEN bleached the damn toilet bowl. but funnily, i didn't have none of the reactions. and its not like i don't know these girls, i had several encounters with some of them and they aren't as nice. actually, they're like super big bitches, the sluts and drama queens combined. but anyways, my point is, i seemed to have calmed down alot. like maybe the drama from a week back put this whole relationship back into perspective. that it isn't just a fling, or something more than just a fling. its a real relationship. and its like suddenly, i realized that all those months spent worrying that he might dump me for some hot girl he met at the club or like instances when his ex girlfriends would go on this insane rampage and call and beg him to come back was gonna weaken him, were just a bloody waste of my time. somewhere along the line, i realized that he wasn't going to leave, and he isn't going to leave. and this is a good feeling. like theres this calm sense of security. and as egoistical as this may sound, i think i love him more than all 4 of his girls combine. and i think i have way much more to offer than anyone of them. i actually feel good about this and for me to say this is a very big accomplishment.
a few days ago, i couldn't sleep because i kept thinking about the past. i'm that kind of person who likes to think about the past. i was thinking about that night. gwen's bdae. when mei, eli and i made plans with bobby to surprise gwen on her bdae. i was thinking about us, being retarded. mei running this way, eli running there, me having this intense need to pee and ultimately peed in my shorts and had to pee by the bushes while eli was laughing at me. i remembered gwen's face and our little cake party at her hotel. priceless.
its always within that period of time that i'll always look back and miss. because as of right now, i can't remember how it feels like to feel guiltless. and judging from my memories, that period was my happiest. and i loved life. i don't hate it now. nah.. its nothing like that. moreso, its the decisions that i've made along the way that withers your soul and questions your conscience and makes you lose a little bit of yourself as time passes. and when u look back, to a period of time when u were the most happiest, it seems like you were once a completely different person. and that feeling evokes this sense of longing, that sense of "okay.. so what the fuck happened"? how is it that i live with guilt inside me everyday and there is no way of letting it come out of me.??
i've always admired people who can live for the moment and appreciate life for what it is. the for the moment people who don't regret what happened yesterday and fuckcares about what happens tomorrow.like those who fully understand the theory of how whats done is already done and theres really no point in trying to look back and dwell upon it and that tomorrow's not even here yet so whats the point of worrying. i wish i'm like that because i can't let things go. cause i can't decide whether it is even appropriate in the very first place. in a situation where i'm my worst enemy and i'm my own fault, i don't have anyone to apologize to or explain my situation too. its all about me, as an individual, trying to come to terms with my won conscience and trying to accept it. in trying to accept a part of something, you can either just forget about it and let bygones be bygones or just admit to it, be completely and brutally honest and suck it up. my brain can only process simple formulas and steps, and at this point of time, i can't seem to comprehend any other ways. but forgetting it is like denying that it ever happened or that it wasn't of much importance in the very first place. but what if it was?? of very great importance and you can't let it go cause u're fucking gulty and there's nothing u can do about it? or it would be like admitting it, making excuses for your actions and manipulating yourself into believin that what you did was absolutely necessary.
i don't know whether i even make any sense. but i do know that i'm confused. staying home alone on a friday night can do these kinds of things to you.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 5:33 PM |
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| Friday, August 05, 2005 |
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for some reason, i felt that it was time for a change. spent alot of time reading our old entries and felt like the template didn't suit us anymore.
so this is us again. new and improved.
hope u like it.
don't have everybody's webpages just yet. those that are on the links are those which i frequent almost everyday. so if u would like me to add your blog to our links, just tag us and leave your address.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 8:09 PM |
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| Wednesday, August 03, 2005 |
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on thursday night, my girl and i went clubbing. we were easily bored because the both of us were on a trance high. so at 1am, we left the club and decided that the next day, we would drive to the east side and go have lunch by the cliffs and snorkel after.
everybody, please meet aya. the girl who drives a very nice white mercz and almost crashed into a bmw on our way there.
and this is the east side. about 20 mintues drive from my house.
and then, as always, there's the singaporean side of me coming out.
find a nice spot and take a picture.
"oh shit, the wave is comin"
nevermind,hurry up. faster pose one more time.
oooookkkkaaaayyy... rrrrrrrruuuuuuuuuuuunnnnn!!!!!!
and then, we just had to climb the little rocks and scoop into the caves.
and we found a cave..a tiny one though
and my very pretty friend inside.
and after a long time playing in the cave, we decided to make our way up again. it was a very pretty sight. i never knew rocks could look so beautiful.
and we made our way to haunama bay. one of the world's most popular snorkelling areas. it was free for us who had local ids.
at the end of the day, i was a very happy girl. we swam with two huge ass turtles that looked at us straight in the eye, we saw stingrays and many different kinds of fishes. blue, green, orange, black and yellow, all kinds.. it was amazing
the next day, we went for a hawaiian version of a zoukout. it was awesome as well. i kissed a very pretty girl and got my boobs grabbed.
so when someone asks me why fly all the way to hawaii to study, this is why.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 5:46 PM |
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i'm just praying so damn hard for a miracle. that somewhere along the line, he remembers. the memories, our moments together, everything. maybe something could make him stay and realise that this is where the both of us should be. fuck everything else man. fuck it i say.
if i've never prayed before, trust me that i'm praying so damn fucking hard now.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 7:52 AM |
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| Tuesday, August 02, 2005 |
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and... my parents are moving to the middle east, dubai. and my brother is taking over my father's company in australia. i am officially homeless.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 4:16 PM |
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no amount of partying, drugs, alcohol, temporary boys and lesbian girls can hide the truth from you. it can only make matters worse. because at the end of the night, when the loud music ends and the bright lights are switched off, you just return home to an empty house. with no one in there. then only do you realise that you lead a very sad life and u totally fucked it up.
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 4:08 PM |
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