| Wednesday, February 28, 2007 |
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something terrible happened today and it got me all shook up. its been a long time since I've gotten myself into any type of situation and an even longer period of time since I've lost total control of a situation and am at total susceptibility to a total stranger. this vulnerability is quite overbearing and i can only pray that with time, it'll just fade away.
this incident made me think back of older times. you know how when something happens to you and you sit down and ponder about it. don't you just wish that you could turn back time and erase it and start all over again? if you could, where would you have paused and restart it all? i dunno if i would have taken a different step. i probably would. but despite all the drama, i'm still okay. i still turned out okay. a little too dependent on thomas. a little flustered and all over the place. a little overweight. but nonetheless, i am okay.
i wrote about my friend kie a few months ago. she's the girl who got pregnant after she was with her boyfriend for about a year, cramped up all her remaining 12 classes in one semester, graduated, got married and had a baby.
this is her. and toshiki. one of the cutest little person i have ever met.
 
i asked her if she could turn back time, would she have gotten pregnant and go through all that drama. and she said yes. that it was worth all the hassle. that her biggest drama was telling her parents at that 22, she was pregnant and getting married. even though they cut off her expenses and she had to totally rely on her husband, she managed to make it work. at the end of the day, she's okay. toshiki is okay. her family is okay. and i think thats the most important thing. that ultimately, despite everything that has happened, you can sit down and innately realize that you're doing fine and the world is still bright and shiny.
then i thought about thomas and i. its going to be 4 years that we've been together. i don't remember whether i've posted this before but these are our very first pictures. it was maybe the 3rd week that we were going out when i took these.
  
then we got together and stayed together for a relatively long period of time. sometimes, i wake up and am amazed at how deeply i've fallen for someone that regardless of the situation, i'll always have his back and have excuses for him. its not necessarily a good thing but its the stability that i treasure the most. we're probably the most eccentric and complicated couple that most people know. theres constant drama, we yell at each other all the time and we spend so much time bickering and complaining about one another. BUT, at the end of the day, we still stick together because its in each other that we find comfort and solace. maybe its the insecurity of being left alone, of breaking a bridge that has been build over the years, no matter how flimsy it seems. a bridge is still a bridge.
we've taken the same kinds of pictures over and over again throughout our relationship. but somehow, i've never been tired of looking at the two main leads in this world i call my relationship. its pretty and pink to me, no matter how ugly and bruised it seems to the world. well to be fair, its pretty and pink for most parts!
so i'm taking this time to glorify my a-okay life and relationship. to recognize that once again, despite all the bullshit that just happened, i have the person i love in my life, things are generally going as planned and therefore, i am okay!
 
 
nat |
| posted by 3 @ 6:07 PM |
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| 1 Comments: |
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Kie's story. truly a leapt of faith.
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Kie's story. truly a leapt of faith.