*~3 dUmB bLOnDeS~*: 01/01/2008

*~3 dUmB bLOnDeS~*

All good things come in threes. triquetra.threemusketeers.2for1bargains.trilogies. threeblindmice.triathelons.muffins.goldilocksandthethreebears.charmed.triangle. three-toed-sloths.triplets.orion-belt.mahjong-dice. NAT-MEI-ELI.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

sometimes life really brushes right back you without you noticing it at all.

its been more than 2 months since i've been back. although some days were more eventful than others, it has generally been pretty depressing. Prior to mei's dad, I was plain confused. I still want to be in the States and work there till my visa expires. Being back here before I'm supposed too simply feels like I'm short changing myself from an experience that I was yearning for months before. The Christmas came and mei's dad grew sick. I started to be in denial and my dad commented that I was reading too damn much to escape from whats in front of me. It must have been hard for my parents to really deal with me: graduate daughter, unemployed, poor, black boyfriend and plain aimless. I never really thought that I would be like this. but sadly enough, i am. The new year came and mei's dad passed away. Prior to his death, I visited him at Mount E. He was in the ICU ward and just looked really orange. But he seemed okay. I couldn't stay long because I felt like I was crossing into their personal family space. The family remained strong and then he passed away. It was very sad to see your bestfriend in such pain. Although the family remained composed, I'm very sure that there were lots of things that even I as a best friend didn't see. But I felt their pain and was just plain helpless because there was nothing more that I could do.

Fast forward and we're here. Mei and Jia mei are back at work, Eli is in NIE and I'm in my dad's office rushing through my applications to get into grad school. Do I have a fighting chance? Maybe I do. Maybe I don't. I can't tell. But I've written and re-written and re-re-written my essays countless of times that it has reached a point where I can no longer polish it and make it any shinier. My work experiences can't be escalated to meet their quota, My GPA can't be changed, my recommenders already have a set mindset about me, so there really isn't much I can do but study and take my GMAT again.

But I'm still unemployed. I miss working but somehow, Singapore's employers don't fancy me much. I've applied for small events planning companies, big events places, Banyan Tree, Singapore Tourism Board and even to an emerging online magazine company. But zilch.. nothing. Either I'm not what they are looking for or I'm seriously just better off in the States.

I miss the States. I really do. Not just my own place, the familiar streets, the people who don't know you, the cheaper clothes or the fantastic fabulous TV. I actually miss all of it. I miss the slower lifestyle. I miss the non-competitive spirit. I miss the low expectations where what really matters is that i can pay my bills, find time for expensive meals, shop at forever 21 and stay home and cuddle up with my boyfriend. I miss it all and I think about it constantly. Its not that Singapore doesn't make me happy. It does. But to an extent. I like being around my family. I like having close friends and I like hanging out with the boys who make innocent jokes about me. But scratch all that out and there is really nothing for me here anymore. I've created a whole new world elsewhere that its so hard to come back and conform to what used to be my comfort zone. I don't even like char kway teow and I haven't even eaten prata for heaven's sake!!! can you imagine..

But most of all, I miss thomas. Although theres a very high possibility that he might move over in a month's time and we're frantically sorting out all his paperwork, its just not the same. We will no longer have very own love nest, we won't spend as much time together and he'll be sleeping in a stranger's house while I'm at my own HDB flat. I know I can' have everything. I know that. But I should have followed that little voice in my head that screamed continuously when I decided that I should move home. Because I've learnt that you can make others happy if you're unhappy. Theres no point doing things for other people if you're just waking up every moment regretting that you made a decision that is making you miserable.

nat

posted by 3 @ 9:36 PM 3 comments

Thursday, January 03, 2008

mei's father leave for mandai at 10.15am tomorrow.

for those who would like to be there, there is a bus provided from joo chiat. please note that parking at joo chiat is limited.

if you would like to pay your last minute respects, the wake is at 39 everitt road.

nat

posted by 3 @ 9:04 PM 0 comments